there are some things you just don't fight
o pupil in denial
hear the answers that you seek
why is the silence that deafened
how much is not worth figuring out
what if should not be how we live our lives
cerulean blue paints my room
birds awake and sing their praises
heart in the darkest of dungeons
abandon not yourself
you are not unloved
a prayer leaves my lips
heavenward
hear the answers that you seek
why is the silence that deafened
how much is not worth figuring out
what if should not be how we live our lives
cerulean blue paints my room
birds awake and sing their praises
heart in the darkest of dungeons
abandon not yourself
you are not unloved
a prayer leaves my lips
heavenward
One morning when Atah was driving me to school, I asked him "Atah, what is love?". Being the cool dad that he was (and still is), he answered matter-of-factly without taking his eyes off the road,
"Love... is lots of voluntary effort. L.O.V.E. Lots of voluntary effort lah."
"That's all? Love explains itself?"
"Yeah. Simple. When you love someone, it's a commitment to volunteer. You volunteer to make that person happy, to keep that person from harm, to have that person's best interests at heart, to share dreams or build a life together... That's why love is different from like. Understand ah?"
"Hmmm... I think so."
"Good."
Lots of voluntary effort. I've never fully understood that until I fell in love. I remembered that definition of love and embraced it earnestly. Everything happened out of joyful willingness and a self-determined desire to make that special person happy, nothing was obligatory nor done out of expectation. It felt effortless to love because love was voluntary. Unconditional because you didn't have expectations in return for what you gave. Just as well, came the realisation of how imperfect and selfish is the love of mere mortals once everything went wrong when you needed to justify the efforts and demand not to be taken for granted. To finally question if the love was worth the effort sounded the death knell for the relationship. Thus idealistic me learnt (albeit the hard and painful way) that voluntary efforts need to come from both sides. Just as much as you can't tepuk sebelah tangan, when in a relationship, love needs to be reciprocal for we are just ordinary people.
Which is why when Fr. Richards said "Like is a decision of feelings but love is a decision of the will.", I was automatically transported back into Atah's car, on the way to school, reliving that very important lesson.
Love is a decision of the will, indeed.
A choice and a commitment to volunteer.
For His greatest commandment is on Love. How easy we forget.
"Love... is lots of voluntary effort. L.O.V.E. Lots of voluntary effort lah."
"That's all? Love explains itself?"
"Yeah. Simple. When you love someone, it's a commitment to volunteer. You volunteer to make that person happy, to keep that person from harm, to have that person's best interests at heart, to share dreams or build a life together... That's why love is different from like. Understand ah?"
"Hmmm... I think so."
"Good."
Lots of voluntary effort. I've never fully understood that until I fell in love. I remembered that definition of love and embraced it earnestly. Everything happened out of joyful willingness and a self-determined desire to make that special person happy, nothing was obligatory nor done out of expectation. It felt effortless to love because love was voluntary. Unconditional because you didn't have expectations in return for what you gave. Just as well, came the realisation of how imperfect and selfish is the love of mere mortals once everything went wrong when you needed to justify the efforts and demand not to be taken for granted. To finally question if the love was worth the effort sounded the death knell for the relationship. Thus idealistic me learnt (albeit the hard and painful way) that voluntary efforts need to come from both sides. Just as much as you can't tepuk sebelah tangan, when in a relationship, love needs to be reciprocal for we are just ordinary people.
Which is why when Fr. Richards said "Like is a decision of feelings but love is a decision of the will.", I was automatically transported back into Atah's car, on the way to school, reliving that very important lesson.
Love is a decision of the will, indeed.
A choice and a commitment to volunteer.
For His greatest commandment is on Love. How easy we forget.
As requested by Eyeris...
One song… from your early childhood: Karma Chameleon, by Culture Club
I remember singing along each time this song came on the transistor radio; warbling the chorus plus the last word of each line, I don't think I knew what I was singing though. At 5 years old, Boy George was the coolest artist I've ever seen and heard.
One song… you are associating with your first big love: Goodbye My Lover, by James Blunt
My first big love was also the one that hurt the most and if I had a MV for it, this would be the song.
One song… which reminds you of one of your holidays: Breathe Easy, by Blue
This song popped up everywhere when toAdie, Sugeo and I were backpacking Europe in the summer of '04. It became our theme song for the trip and we initially messed up the lyrics to "I....... caaaaan't belieeeevve it" haha...
One song… you like, but you have got problems confessing to: Sometimes, by Britney Spears
Aiyeeerrr... I know, I know... dunnolah, I just like lah...
One song… which accompanied you, while you were lovesick: My Immortal, by Evanescence
The soaring melody and piano is balm for the soul...
One song… you listened to most often in your life: Bridge Over Troubled Water, by Simon and Garfunkel
This song always seem to find its way into my life every now and again.
One song… which is your most favoured instrumental: Main theme of Beautiful Life
I thought so hard and I couldn't name any, so I guess the soundtrack of this all-time favourite Japanese drama would have to suffice. I like most instrumental pieces with guitar, piano and/or cello :)
One song… which represents one of your most favoured bands: Champagne Supernova, by Oasis
One song… in which you recognize yourself or through which you feel somehow understood: Other Hours, by Harry Connick, Jr.
When I first heard this song in entirety, I was so overwhelmed I ended up in tears.
One song… which reminds you to a certain occasion (and the occasion): No Surprises, by Radiohead
Reminds me of the whimsical days of wandering the streets of Barcelona.
One song… you like which belongs to the Hip Hop/Rap genre: Show Me Your Soul, by P.Diddy, Lenny Kravitz, Pharrell Williams and Loon
I absolutely adore this song... pure booty-shakin' glee!
One song… which is the best for you to relax: Dong Feng Po, by Jay Chou
Actually, any of of Jay Chou's ballads will do. I've got all of his albums in my iPod and there's a playlist called Jay Therapy, my ultimate stress buster.
One song… which symbolizes a great time in your life: Song 2, by Blur
Sixth Form in Bukit Bintang Boys School, PJ... ultimate time of my life.
One song… which is your most favourite song at the moment: No Worries, by Simon Webbe
"I just know your life's gonna change..." Oh yeah...
One song… which you would dedicate to your best friend: Kau Ilhamku, by Man Bai
The signature song from our school days era, spot on for the memories and the countless times we stood strong for each other.
One song… where you have got the feeling that no one besides you likes it: Silencio, by Ibrahim Ferrer with Omara Portuondo
Such a sad song sung with such depth of emotions...
One song… you like because of its lyrics: Getaran Jiwa, by P. Ramlee
So very simple. Me like.
One song… you like very much and which is not in German or English: Und Wenn Ein Lied, by Söhne Mannheims
Okie, it's German but I don't really speak German what... heh, anyway I love Xavier Naidoo and Söhne Mannheims loads.
One song… which helps you to work off: Vindicated, by Dashboard Confessional
Spider-Man 2 OST is great for lepas tension moments.
One song… which should be played at your funeral: I Will Follow You Into the Dark, by Death Cab for Cutie
Heee... I don't think it's very appropriate but it's very dear to me, so I guess they won't mind granting the deceased punya wish. If not, just play Jay Chou lah... I'll go happy!
Must tag someone ah? Okie, Meng Teck then, since he's quite free in Xinjiang, China haha... and anyone else who wants lah.
One song… from your early childhood: Karma Chameleon, by Culture Club
I remember singing along each time this song came on the transistor radio; warbling the chorus plus the last word of each line, I don't think I knew what I was singing though. At 5 years old, Boy George was the coolest artist I've ever seen and heard.
One song… you are associating with your first big love: Goodbye My Lover, by James Blunt
My first big love was also the one that hurt the most and if I had a MV for it, this would be the song.
One song… which reminds you of one of your holidays: Breathe Easy, by Blue
This song popped up everywhere when toAdie, Sugeo and I were backpacking Europe in the summer of '04. It became our theme song for the trip and we initially messed up the lyrics to "I....... caaaaan't belieeeevve it" haha...
One song… you like, but you have got problems confessing to: Sometimes, by Britney Spears
Aiyeeerrr... I know, I know... dunnolah, I just like lah...
One song… which accompanied you, while you were lovesick: My Immortal, by Evanescence
The soaring melody and piano is balm for the soul...
One song… you listened to most often in your life: Bridge Over Troubled Water, by Simon and Garfunkel
This song always seem to find its way into my life every now and again.
One song… which is your most favoured instrumental: Main theme of Beautiful Life
I thought so hard and I couldn't name any, so I guess the soundtrack of this all-time favourite Japanese drama would have to suffice. I like most instrumental pieces with guitar, piano and/or cello :)
One song… which represents one of your most favoured bands: Champagne Supernova, by Oasis
One song… in which you recognize yourself or through which you feel somehow understood: Other Hours, by Harry Connick, Jr.
When I first heard this song in entirety, I was so overwhelmed I ended up in tears.
One song… which reminds you to a certain occasion (and the occasion): No Surprises, by Radiohead
Reminds me of the whimsical days of wandering the streets of Barcelona.
One song… you like which belongs to the Hip Hop/Rap genre: Show Me Your Soul, by P.Diddy, Lenny Kravitz, Pharrell Williams and Loon
I absolutely adore this song... pure booty-shakin' glee!
One song… which is the best for you to relax: Dong Feng Po, by Jay Chou
Actually, any of of Jay Chou's ballads will do. I've got all of his albums in my iPod and there's a playlist called Jay Therapy, my ultimate stress buster.
One song… which symbolizes a great time in your life: Song 2, by Blur
Sixth Form in Bukit Bintang Boys School, PJ... ultimate time of my life.
One song… which is your most favourite song at the moment: No Worries, by Simon Webbe
"I just know your life's gonna change..." Oh yeah...
One song… which you would dedicate to your best friend: Kau Ilhamku, by Man Bai
The signature song from our school days era, spot on for the memories and the countless times we stood strong for each other.
One song… where you have got the feeling that no one besides you likes it: Silencio, by Ibrahim Ferrer with Omara Portuondo
Such a sad song sung with such depth of emotions...
One song… you like because of its lyrics: Getaran Jiwa, by P. Ramlee
So very simple. Me like.
One song… you like very much and which is not in German or English: Und Wenn Ein Lied, by Söhne Mannheims
Okie, it's German but I don't really speak German what... heh, anyway I love Xavier Naidoo and Söhne Mannheims loads.
One song… which helps you to work off: Vindicated, by Dashboard Confessional
Spider-Man 2 OST is great for lepas tension moments.
One song… which should be played at your funeral: I Will Follow You Into the Dark, by Death Cab for Cutie
Heee... I don't think it's very appropriate but it's very dear to me, so I guess they won't mind granting the deceased punya wish. If not, just play Jay Chou lah... I'll go happy!
Must tag someone ah? Okie, Meng Teck then, since he's quite free in Xinjiang, China haha... and anyone else who wants lah.
Recent book stash from Borders, good to last me till June! Am glad to finally have Clare and Henry DeTamble with me again. Currently reading Khaled Hosseini's Kite Runner, catching up on Neil Gaiman's Anansi Boys and Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of The Dog in the Night-time... Oh the pleasure of having new books all over one's room, pleading to be read and resisting the charms of re-reading certain old ones! I am hopelessly easy to be made happy.
Meine Schwester ist ein Genie!
3 Comments Published by carinasuyin | Thursday, March 16, 2006 | 11:20 AM.
Mama cried on the phone today. She was so relieved and deliriously happy at the same time. I knew Supra could make it, despite her own doubts. Told her corny jokes yesterday night whilst she was numb from all the anxiety and channel surfing Astro. Fell asleep praying that no matter what the results were, she will have the grace of accepting them and the courage to pursue her own interests.
I put down the phone and beamed with so much pride, my cheeks hurt. I'll bet Atah and Sugeo are grinning too.
Oh gosh, my sister has aced the STPM... all five freaking As!
*grinning till Kingdom come*
I put down the phone and beamed with so much pride, my cheeks hurt. I'll bet Atah and Sugeo are grinning too.
Oh gosh, my sister has aced the STPM... all five freaking As!
*grinning till Kingdom come*
25 hours to go... Kings of Convenience live in Singapore!
Erlend Øye photo by Eyeris
T'was an AWESOME concert; great acoustics and vocals, excellent showmanship, appreciative audience, ooooh everything! 1600 people got on their feet, ha! Wonderful photos and reviews by Eyeris and Erna!
strung on a string so tight, anything snaps. love is watching someone die. where has thy spirit gone? a gypsy in another life. detour of torture in an overture. japanese bamboo and weeping willows. heard the laughter but blind to the tears. mei yi ci he ni fen kai, shen shen de bei ni da bai. congratulating a stranger. unspot me mind. patron saint of talking too much. solace in an imagined embrace. closing the wooden gate. cold breeze after a shower. shadows on the tiles. pork ribs with szechuan vegetable soup. song that speaks a thousand minds. still a little bit of your ghost, your witness. born of stardust. rekindle the will to live. phoenix rising from the ashes. childcraft. mathemagic. maple syrup in a bucket of snow with doughnuts. moon that ripens the barley. why can't He speak for Himself? kyrie eleison. off-kilter. beauty you can understand but cannot explain. stealing kisses. gula melaka coffee. sanctuary.
soaking in the sun
melting through the frost in you
spring awakening
melting through the frost in you
spring awakening
"Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours."
These lines uttered by Clementine nailed me in the heart just as many more echoed conversations that have since come to past. I don't think it was the wine, the roast duck or the feta cheese that got me all soft watching the movie. No, not soft, nor vulnerable... just tergamam, a little overwhelmed in hell-yeah-I-so-totally-get-it-ness. So much about Joel reminded me of him and so much of the Joel-Clementine dynamics reminded me of us. The memories that I had tried to forget one at a time and then stopped short at the lovely ones because if I had erased those as well, I'd lose definition.
And ultimately, if you had known, would you still choose to fall?.
Perhaps sometimes, it is not a choice. You just do, even if only to find painful memories for keepsake and eventually, a stronger self in the aftermath.
*Eloisa to Abelard by Alexander Pope
These lines uttered by Clementine nailed me in the heart just as many more echoed conversations that have since come to past. I don't think it was the wine, the roast duck or the feta cheese that got me all soft watching the movie. No, not soft, nor vulnerable... just tergamam, a little overwhelmed in hell-yeah-I-so-totally-get-it-ness. So much about Joel reminded me of him and so much of the Joel-Clementine dynamics reminded me of us. The memories that I had tried to forget one at a time and then stopped short at the lovely ones because if I had erased those as well, I'd lose definition.
And ultimately, if you had known, would you still choose to fall?.
Perhaps sometimes, it is not a choice. You just do, even if only to find painful memories for keepsake and eventually, a stronger self in the aftermath.
*Eloisa to Abelard by Alexander Pope
Kuala Lumpur
Singapore
London
Oh where shall I be by the year's end?
I know in my heart without a doubt that this would be my defining year. The year where waylaid dreams are put back on path and one that would see me one step closer to finding my calling. To want something bad enough and to put into motion steps that would lead you there create a feeling both empowering and consuming. As if perhaps, you're walking with destiny instead of having it tow you on. Knowing that somehow also allows peace among chaos.
For now, I have a race to finish and I need to finish well.
Singapore
London
Oh where shall I be by the year's end?
I know in my heart without a doubt that this would be my defining year. The year where waylaid dreams are put back on path and one that would see me one step closer to finding my calling. To want something bad enough and to put into motion steps that would lead you there create a feeling both empowering and consuming. As if perhaps, you're walking with destiny instead of having it tow you on. Knowing that somehow also allows peace among chaos.
For now, I have a race to finish and I need to finish well.
