of memoirs and musings

I'm so irritated I can keel over now.
What an injustice to be feeling like this in lovely, lovely Delft!

I feel like a happy lark, singing rhapsodies of the heart. Woke up this morning at 6.15am all by myself without the alarm clock nor my handphone’s alarm going off. Yvonne would laugh in amazement, I’ll bet. Utrecht's beauty and charm is working magic on my heart and mind.

It’s like my entire state of being is being renewed.

Strowis turned out to be such a pleasant stay. As I pen these words, recollecting the day’s events… a bunch of local youths and foreign hostel guests are downstairs at the outdoor garden strumming the guitar, talking, laughing, drinking… How I long to go down and join them but sleep beckons to my heavy head... Been awake since 5am and haven’t slept a wink in between. The room is just perfect; it has this large window that looks out onto the garden below. You can just sit by the window sill and dream... creepy rose vines, ferns with secrets, funny oversized pigeon, soft luscious moss... Ultra cool.

Oh, I can’t write anymore. Good night, Utrecht... good night...

The plane is 38,000 feet above sea level and fast approaching Warsaw. About 1 ½ hours to go and my heart is nowhere near touching down. I’ve been on this cloud nine-heavenly-and-giddy-feeling ever since leaving Changi airport. Those brief moments at KLIA were so satisfying despite it being almost midnight when we there. On transit and yet home is home, no matter how short a time I spend on those soil... ah negaraku, tanah tumpahnya darahku…

I feel like doing a silly pirouette en route to the aircraft toilet. Tired heads nod on both sides of the aisle but mine is not one of them. It's bobbing to some sampat melody...

This whole moment is so much bigger than me.

I'm breathing with a light and free feeling. It's a feeling of release and independence as I begin my European journey. Backpacking somehow sets me apart from everyone. Even in this airport. True, people here are travelling, but they each have things to do, deadlines to meet, itineraries to follow, specific things to see. Not me, I'm different. I have everywhere to go and anything to see. My destination is culture and knowledge and experience. Although I'm travelling amongst scores of others, I am different.

So… here goes…

I think I’m done with the packing already. Then again, each time I looked at my backpack, I still feel as though there’s too much in it and something needs to be left behind. I wonder how are mama and atah. Do they worry about me going on this trip? Stupid question... Anyway, it’s finally coming true... Arrghhh… the butterflies, the tsunamis, the little tickly sensations… I’m like a robot experiencing a full range of human emotions. Sing.... for the first time... la la la la blah blah blah... what disastrous and nauseous feelings. I’m so tired and yet I feel like giggling. Amidst the many gleeful moments witnessed by only me, there have been times that I felt like throwing up.

Gosh, I have got to get a grip of myself… being too excited may not be a good thing... who knows… “Travel not to escape life but to not let life escape you.” Read that somewhere. Cool.

Spoke to Wei Chun just now. It’s so good to hear an old chum’s voice and share a couple of thoughts, albeit sampat ones! He’ll be off on his own adventure soon too… all the way to the land of raisins and Pamelas...haha...

My feelings right now... so real yet unreal. Sigh.

couz charms: ray | will

kawan-kawan sekolah: fung kit | mervin | rashid | zona

the makan alliance: cheng puay | meng teck | ryan

hey aiesec!: amy | claire | kiev | michael | pooi ling

theatre ties: art | chi | juliana | linus

delightful inspirations: alfian sa'at | christine cheng | derek powazek | dina zaman | idlan zakaria | isorule | karen cheng | lekowala | ljc fyi | popagandhi | yasmin ahmad

books, stories, arts & poetry: bibliobibuli | fray | kakiseni | softblow | tarpaulin sky

me like: debbie travis | jamie oliver | jay chou studio

Photography by carinasuyin is here.

o.m.a.m. photo series:

RoP:E Summer 2004
Melaka, Nov 2004
Pulau Pinang, Dec 2004
Ayutthaya Part I
Ayutthaya Part II
Kuala Lumpur, Jan 2005
Zoo Köln, Germany
Mama's flowers
Lotus bloom log
Taiping2Sydney
Pulau Pinang, Oct 2005
Melaka, Oct 2005
Kampung chicks

o.m.a.m. photo collages:

Balik kampung
Bak chang for Sugeo
Geckos, margaritas and tea
25 for 2005
Melaka, May 2006
MICA building, Singapore
Photobooth memories Part I, II, III
Lish's bridal shower

web favourites:

Sugeo
Tommy Oshima
Kevin Meredith
Liyin
Olivia Leigh
Ryan Ramjan
Petra Oldengarm
Derek Powazek
Timothy Choy
Mohamad Fazli

27 things of little significant importance...

1. My superpower is the ability to command the rain by singing.
2. A LEGO set, an arts supply store or a digital camera can keep me amused for hours.
3. My late maternal grandmother said I gave people diarrhea with my horrendous Hokkien. My Cantonese isn't any better but I can converse decently in Mandarin.
   
4. I love coffee, teh peng, jelly beans, Belgian chocolates, sze chuan pickled vegetable, hokkien char with lotsa crispy pork lard cubes, putu piring, San Crispino gelato, rendang ayam, The Daily Scoop ice-cream, Secret Recipe's chocolate banana cake, mille-feuilles, and uhm yeah, the list goes on...
5. I am 100% Libran. Good and bad.
   
6. I've played a seven-year old boy named Andrew in a theatre production when I was 23 years old.
   
7. The Carpenters, Coldplay, Corinne Bailey Rae, Damien Rice, David Gray, David Tao, Death Cab for Cutie, Evanescence, Five for Fighting, Harry Connick, Jr, Ibrahim Ferrer, Jack Johnson, Jacky Cheung, Jay Chou, Jason Mraz, John Legend, John Mayer, Katie Melua, Kings of Convenience, Maroon 5, Marvin Gaye, No Doubt, Oasis, Simon & Garfunkel, Simon Webbe, Snow Patrol, Söhne Mannheims, Wang Leehom, and Xavier Naidoo are some of the artists on usual heavy play rotation in my iPod mini.
8. `of memoirs and musings' is the title of my Scene Study class journal. Journal-keeping started when I took theatre modules in university with two inspiring teachers: Rohaizad Suaidi and Rey Buono.
   
9. I am hopelessly easy to be made happy with new books, good food, my family and dear friends.
10. I grew up next to the zoo but I didn't grow up like a monkey.
    
11. Solitary walks before the rain, especially when it's windy, makes me happy.
12. It would be great to marry David Tao.
13. I adore Puma sneakers, golden retrievers, IKEA and meerkats.
14. When I was a kid, my dream was to work on board the Calypso with the late Jacques-Yves Cousteau. I wasn't interested to go to the moon.
    
15. New Zealand, Taiwan, Japan, Korea, Turkey and Indonesia are the countries I want to visit next.
16. I do not have an affinity with the colour pink and Hello Kitty is gross.
    
17. I find guys who play the acoustic guitar or the piano, very very hot.
18. toAdie thinks that St. Carina is the patron saint of talking too much.
    
19. My favourite city visited thus far is Barcelona, Spain.
    
20. My ring finger is longer than my index finger on both hands.
    
21. Aodhán is a really cool name of Celtic origins. It means fire.
22. When I get married, there will be six bridesmaids at my church wedding. Hopefully I do get married haha...
    
23. Atah (dad), Mama (mom), Supra (sis), and Sugeo (bro) call me Suyino or Ah Cheh.
    
24. Tawny port is more delicious than champagne.
25. RoP:E (Rite of Passage:Europe) is my pet project came true in the summer before my 25th birthday!
26. Pureen baby powder is wonderful.
    
27. It took a ridiculously long amount of time to come up with this list.

of memoirs and musings by carinasuyin

.: A girl trying to find herself and an online repository to bear witness :.


E-mail me at carinasuyin [at]gmail[dot]com
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