I'm often tongue-tied when asked to describe my mother tongue. Bahasa Melayu and English comes to mind, rather than Hokkien or Mandarin. It's the language you're born with, the language your parents spoke to you with, some offered. Well, my parents spoke to me predominantly in English with a mixture of Mandarin and Malay. Growing up in Gombak, KL, I spoke Malay in school and in my local neighbourhood. My maternal grandparents got frustrated trying to communicate in Hokkien with me that they resorted to a Malay-Mandarin hybrid language.
Haiyah, typical OCBC lah... orang Cina bukan Cina," my cousin would lament, to which I'd gladly tease him back, "Aku anak Malaysia, orang Malaysia... rojak pun rojaklah..."
Do I regret not being Chinese literate? A little, because I have problems understanding Chinese songs that I like and the world of Chinese literature is lost on me. Mostly not because I'm still able to hold a decent conversation in it, albeit a little haltingly. However, I'd regret it bitterly if I lost my proficiency in Malay as it has become an identity, my identity.
Malaysia dearest, as you celebrate your 48th anniversary of independence, i hope that you do not forget me... a product of your education and social engineering policies- belonging to a generation who speak the national language with fluency and pride and identify with more things Malaysian than my own ethnic background... have a lovely celebration and cheers for the years to come!
With love and salam merdeka,
carina suyin
"And when I encounter Chinese Malaysians whose Malay is more powerful than mine, when I hear one of them say words like 'rindu' (and I'm sure you know Malay is a very affective language, as a matter of fact, languages that were agrarian and pre-literate have that kind of cognition), and he says it with that same emotional charge that strikes me to the heart, I'm flabbergasted and humbled. I get angry also because I can't understand how much further Chinese Malaysians have to go to prove themselves. These people are not guest people. They know the cultural inflections, they've embodied the nuances of the soil, and they speak the language not just to do business with the majority but also to speak to them on equal terms. What do you do your Merdeka play for and insist on 'reminding the minorities that they are where they are due to the grace and accommodating nature of the Malays?' It's such an insecure mak tiri complex."
Haiyah, typical OCBC lah... orang Cina bukan Cina," my cousin would lament, to which I'd gladly tease him back, "Aku anak Malaysia, orang Malaysia... rojak pun rojaklah..."
Do I regret not being Chinese literate? A little, because I have problems understanding Chinese songs that I like and the world of Chinese literature is lost on me. Mostly not because I'm still able to hold a decent conversation in it, albeit a little haltingly. However, I'd regret it bitterly if I lost my proficiency in Malay as it has become an identity, my identity.
Malaysia dearest, as you celebrate your 48th anniversary of independence, i hope that you do not forget me... a product of your education and social engineering policies- belonging to a generation who speak the national language with fluency and pride and identify with more things Malaysian than my own ethnic background... have a lovely celebration and cheers for the years to come!
With love and salam merdeka,
carina suyin
"And when I encounter Chinese Malaysians whose Malay is more powerful than mine, when I hear one of them say words like 'rindu' (and I'm sure you know Malay is a very affective language, as a matter of fact, languages that were agrarian and pre-literate have that kind of cognition), and he says it with that same emotional charge that strikes me to the heart, I'm flabbergasted and humbled. I get angry also because I can't understand how much further Chinese Malaysians have to go to prove themselves. These people are not guest people. They know the cultural inflections, they've embodied the nuances of the soil, and they speak the language not just to do business with the majority but also to speak to them on equal terms. What do you do your Merdeka play for and insist on 'reminding the minorities that they are where they are due to the grace and accommodating nature of the Malays?' It's such an insecure mak tiri complex."
Amah passed away peacefully last Sunday morning. Atah was there by her side with Uncle No. 1 and Small Aunt as she drew her last breath. She was several weeks short of her 85th birthday.
I used to view Chinese funerals as a big chore when I was younger... especially the ones with Taoist rites as they tend to be very elaborate, full of pantangs and long-winded rites. Somehow these five days gave me a fresh perspective of the traditional Chinese funeral.
It's been a long time since all the four generations of children and grandchildren came together in Amah's house and it's utterly sayang that it took her passing to make possible the gathering that was long overdue. By participating in the rites and preparations such as folding paper money, keeping candles, incense and paper money burning in all-night virgils while attending to guests and relatives who came to offer their condolences- all done gotong-royong style, a sense of belonging and family ties are forged anew. Gossips, updates, stories, anecdotes and memorable `Amah and I moments' are exchanged as nimble fingers fold paper money into gold and silver nuggets and smarting eyes tend to the burning circle of offerings.
I left Amah's grave today remembering the enigmatic lady that was my paternal grandmother and a renewed sense of kinship.
I used to view Chinese funerals as a big chore when I was younger... especially the ones with Taoist rites as they tend to be very elaborate, full of pantangs and long-winded rites. Somehow these five days gave me a fresh perspective of the traditional Chinese funeral.
It's been a long time since all the four generations of children and grandchildren came together in Amah's house and it's utterly sayang that it took her passing to make possible the gathering that was long overdue. By participating in the rites and preparations such as folding paper money, keeping candles, incense and paper money burning in all-night virgils while attending to guests and relatives who came to offer their condolences- all done gotong-royong style, a sense of belonging and family ties are forged anew. Gossips, updates, stories, anecdotes and memorable `Amah and I moments' are exchanged as nimble fingers fold paper money into gold and silver nuggets and smarting eyes tend to the burning circle of offerings.
I left Amah's grave today remembering the enigmatic lady that was my paternal grandmother and a renewed sense of kinship.
"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."
Kahlil Gibran
Kahlil Gibran
One of Sugeo's favourite German songs had me mesmerised the moment he first played it for us. Supra loved it so much she had Sugeo taught her the lyrics. There is something about its melody, the piano, guitar and beat arrangement and the arresting vocals that conveyed an emotion understood; a strange beauty that transcends the language barrier...
The song is Und wenn ein Lied by Söhne Mannheims (Sons of Mannheim), a German band comprising of 14 musicians.
Took a copy of Noiz, the second album back with me. The album combines R&B, soul, rap, hip hop and pop in an addictive cocktail of songs about world affairs, hate, tolerance, love and faith of God that really grows on you, the lack of German language comprehension notwithstanding.
Xavier Naidoo, Mannheimer soul poet
Listening to Und wenn ein Lied on a silent night, the stirring vocals of Xavier Naidoo (the band's lead vocalist) leaves me spellbound...
Und wenn ein Lied
von Söhne Mannheims
Lyriken: Xavier Naidoo
Und wenn ein Lied meine Lippen verlässt,
Dann nur damit Du Liebe empfängst.
Durch die Nacht und das dichteste Geäst,
Damit Du keine Ängste mehr kennst.
Sag ein kleines Stückchen Wahrheit und sieh,
Wie die Wüste lebt.
Schaff' ein kleines Stückchen Klarheit.
Und schau wie sich der Schleier hebt.
Eine Wüste aus Beton und Asphalt,
Doch, sie lebt und öffnet einen Spalt.
Der Dir neues zeigt, zeigt das altes weicht.
Auch dann, wenn dein Schmerz
Bis an den Himmel reicht.
Und wenn ein Lied meine Lippen verlässt,
Dann nur damit Du Liebe empfängst.
Durch die Nacht und das dichteste Geäst,
Damit Du keine Ängste mehr kennst.
Dieses Lied ist nur für Dich.
Schön, wenn es Dir gefällt.
Denn es kam so über mich.
So wie die Nacht über die Welt.
Schnellt Gefahr aus der Dunkelheit,
Bin ich zum ersten Schlag bereit.
Ich bin der erste, der Dich befreit.
Und einer der letzten, der um Dich weint.
Und wenn ein Lied meine Lippen verlässt,
Dann nur damit Du Liebe empfängst.
Durch die Nacht und das dichteste Geäst,
Damit Du keine Ängste mehr kennst.
In unserer Sanduhr fällt das letzte Korn.
Ich hab gewonnen und ebenso verlor'n.
Jedoch missen möcht ich nichts,
alles bleibt unser gedanklicher Besitz.
Und eine bleibende Erinnerung.
Zwischen Tag und Nacht legt sich die Dämmerung.
Und wenn ein Lied meine Lippen verlässt,
Dann nur damit Du Liebe empfängst.
Durch die Nacht und das dichteste Geäst,
Damit Du keine Ängste mehr kennst.
Damit Du keine Ängste mehr kennst.
Damit Du keine Ängste mehr kennst.
Translated the lyrics with Sugeo's help, an online German dictionary and Babelfish...
And if a song leaves my lips
it's only so that you receive love
through the night and the thickest branches
so that you would fear no more
Tell me a little bit of truth
See how the desert lives
Create a bit of clarity
and see how the fog unveils
A desert made of concrete and tar
Yet it lives and opens a gap
that shows you something new
shows that the past gives way
even if your pain reaches the sky
And if a song leaves my lips
it's only so that you receive love
through the night and the thickest branches
so that you would fear no more
This song is only for you
Beautifully, if it pleases you
For it came in such a way over me
like the night over the world
Thin fist of darkness
I'm ready for the first strike
I'm the first who frees you
and one of the last who cries yet for you
And if a song leaves my lips
it's only so that you receive love
through the night and the thickest branches
so that you would fear no more
In our hourglass the last grain falls
I have both won and lost
However there is nothing I want to do without
Everything remains the possession of our minds
and a lingering memory
Between day and night twilight fades
And if a song leaves my lips
it's only so that you receive love
through the night and the thickest branches
so that you would fear no more
So that you would fear no more
So that you would fear no more
The song is Und wenn ein Lied by Söhne Mannheims (Sons of Mannheim), a German band comprising of 14 musicians.
Took a copy of Noiz, the second album back with me. The album combines R&B, soul, rap, hip hop and pop in an addictive cocktail of songs about world affairs, hate, tolerance, love and faith of God that really grows on you, the lack of German language comprehension notwithstanding.
Xavier Naidoo, Mannheimer soul poet
Listening to Und wenn ein Lied on a silent night, the stirring vocals of Xavier Naidoo (the band's lead vocalist) leaves me spellbound...
Und wenn ein Lied
von Söhne Mannheims
Lyriken: Xavier Naidoo
Und wenn ein Lied meine Lippen verlässt,
Dann nur damit Du Liebe empfängst.
Durch die Nacht und das dichteste Geäst,
Damit Du keine Ängste mehr kennst.
Sag ein kleines Stückchen Wahrheit und sieh,
Wie die Wüste lebt.
Schaff' ein kleines Stückchen Klarheit.
Und schau wie sich der Schleier hebt.
Eine Wüste aus Beton und Asphalt,
Doch, sie lebt und öffnet einen Spalt.
Der Dir neues zeigt, zeigt das altes weicht.
Auch dann, wenn dein Schmerz
Bis an den Himmel reicht.
Und wenn ein Lied meine Lippen verlässt,
Dann nur damit Du Liebe empfängst.
Durch die Nacht und das dichteste Geäst,
Damit Du keine Ängste mehr kennst.
Dieses Lied ist nur für Dich.
Schön, wenn es Dir gefällt.
Denn es kam so über mich.
So wie die Nacht über die Welt.
Schnellt Gefahr aus der Dunkelheit,
Bin ich zum ersten Schlag bereit.
Ich bin der erste, der Dich befreit.
Und einer der letzten, der um Dich weint.
Und wenn ein Lied meine Lippen verlässt,
Dann nur damit Du Liebe empfängst.
Durch die Nacht und das dichteste Geäst,
Damit Du keine Ängste mehr kennst.
In unserer Sanduhr fällt das letzte Korn.
Ich hab gewonnen und ebenso verlor'n.
Jedoch missen möcht ich nichts,
alles bleibt unser gedanklicher Besitz.
Und eine bleibende Erinnerung.
Zwischen Tag und Nacht legt sich die Dämmerung.
Und wenn ein Lied meine Lippen verlässt,
Dann nur damit Du Liebe empfängst.
Durch die Nacht und das dichteste Geäst,
Damit Du keine Ängste mehr kennst.
Damit Du keine Ängste mehr kennst.
Damit Du keine Ängste mehr kennst.
Translated the lyrics with Sugeo's help, an online German dictionary and Babelfish...
And if a song leaves my lips
it's only so that you receive love
through the night and the thickest branches
so that you would fear no more
Tell me a little bit of truth
See how the desert lives
Create a bit of clarity
and see how the fog unveils
A desert made of concrete and tar
Yet it lives and opens a gap
that shows you something new
shows that the past gives way
even if your pain reaches the sky
And if a song leaves my lips
it's only so that you receive love
through the night and the thickest branches
so that you would fear no more
This song is only for you
Beautifully, if it pleases you
For it came in such a way over me
like the night over the world
Thin fist of darkness
I'm ready for the first strike
I'm the first who frees you
and one of the last who cries yet for you
And if a song leaves my lips
it's only so that you receive love
through the night and the thickest branches
so that you would fear no more
In our hourglass the last grain falls
I have both won and lost
However there is nothing I want to do without
Everything remains the possession of our minds
and a lingering memory
Between day and night twilight fades
And if a song leaves my lips
it's only so that you receive love
through the night and the thickest branches
so that you would fear no more
So that you would fear no more
So that you would fear no more
supra
sugeo
three sampat chikoras on an afternoon in Muar; Tanjong revisited
There are a few projects that I have yet to finish, some of which are writings. These two are on top of the list. I need to get the juices flowing least I turn into a zombie from such sleepless nights and sun-starved days...
summer RoP:E - my 2004 Europe backpacking adventure with toAdie and Sugeo, based on my journal entries and photos; the stories will be presented as a series of conversations with pigeons... vignettes open with `Dear Pigeon,', `Beste duif,',`Paloma querida,',`Cher pigeon,' `Liebe Taube,' and `Piccione caro' respectively.
mama's memoirs tentatively titled `Stories for my father' - Mama has already drafted her chapters and completed several... i need to find time to edit them and encourage her to finish the rest when she's feeling better; am thinking of putting her stories up on its own blog. Mama told Wei Chun that it does not matter if the stories never get published, she would be contented as long as her grandchildren may read them some day...
summer RoP:E - my 2004 Europe backpacking adventure with toAdie and Sugeo, based on my journal entries and photos; the stories will be presented as a series of conversations with pigeons... vignettes open with `Dear Pigeon,', `Beste duif,',`Paloma querida,',`Cher pigeon,' `Liebe Taube,' and `Piccione caro' respectively.
mama's memoirs tentatively titled `Stories for my father' - Mama has already drafted her chapters and completed several... i need to find time to edit them and encourage her to finish the rest when she's feeling better; am thinking of putting her stories up on its own blog. Mama told Wei Chun that it does not matter if the stories never get published, she would be contented as long as her grandchildren may read them some day...
