of memoirs and musings

Daughter, woman, child dearest...
saltwater washed the bones ashore
saltwater flooded a weary heart
saltwater tainted your oasis of truth
and anger clouded your eyes to forgiveness, grace and love.

I sat by myself at a pew in the middle, right next to the centre aisle. Back home, I'd have chosen a cosy corner at the side or even at the far back. Sometimes, I'd welcome sitting in the direct glare of the morning or evening sun so I won't fall asleep during the sermon later. But mostly, where I end up sitting at is not up to me because I rarely went alone. Here, I usually sit somewhere in the middle but close to the front. Here, I do at times, come on my own.

Thesis. Thesis. Thesis. Lish's bridal shower retreat. Backpack Taiwan. Chatuchak. Sugeoooooo. Purpose of my existence. Imperial. Mama. Thesis. Thesis. Thesis.

I sat and stared at the full-length glass windows beside the stained glass panels framing the crucifix. Trees grew outside and they sashayed gracefully in the wind. If you sit considerably in front, you can see the stream of vehicles exiting the AYE up into Clementi Road. At peak hours like those during a sunset mass, the chain of cars is rarely broken. No sound, just lush details, like a diorama from somewhere in my childhood. I especially love certain times of the year when the tree leaves turn auburn and then swirl in chaotic but always beautiful descents to the ground each time a gust of wind or two come spiraling through.

Would he, whom I would one day love, love me as much as Atah loves Mama?

I sat and leaf through the Sunday Missal, wondering which Sunday it is. Then, I remembered today's a Tuesday. Aahh... oh well. Shortly, an announcement came up. Page 268. Yeay.

Assumption is a feast of reaffirmation. Body and soul. Continue to do good and do it locally- in your home, your family, your friends, at your work place, in your community. There is always a need for goodness and one person can really change the world. What is the world but the lives, things and situations around you? One life, we give it our best shot. Make it a beautiful one, a beautiful existence.

I sat and looked up at the ceilings. It had been raining all day, perhaps the roof had sprang a leak. I wiped the drop of water off my head and moved a little to my right. A little while later, another drop of water fell and I wiped it off my shoulder. It had better not be pigeon pee.

In India, we have a famine of the body but here, you have a famine of the spirits. Be where you are needed, child, and do what you're best at, with all your love.... always. Questions and answers. Rewards and sacrifices. Promises and faith.

I kneeled and prayed...