of memoirs and musings

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

I close my eyes for they're strained. I wear pink smoky blushes on my eyelids when I've applied no eyeshadow. My legs are weary but not from 100 minutes of dance class. I clutch my bag tight and sink into the seat. There's a slight ache throbbing from the back of my head.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

Voices and sounds swirl around me. The dull beeping sound of the doors closing, the Mandarin chatter of the couple opposite me, the rattle and whoosh sound of the train zipping along the tracks... There's a Japanese guy somewhere speaking in English about football and Arsenal, there's an Indian guy far to my left talking excitedly, trying to rise above the din. I adjust the volume of my Mini speakers, so loud it's almost at the maximum. Yet it is not my ears that hurt.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Through closed eyes, I see the window opposite with the Starhub decal, a smiling lady with hair like Medusa. She's happy she's connected. I see the pakcik "fishing" in his sleep. I see the lady on my left, so frail and tired. I see the guy on my right bobbing his head, lost in the rhythm of the music from his mobile phone. I see the girl opposite biting her fingernails, one by one, right to left. It's like watching an MTV music video frame by frame, in your head.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

James Blunt, I'm sorry I said your voice sucked and your songs so-so. I guess I couldn't relate then. 'Goodbye my lover' is nice... thank you for singing my heart out.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.