of memoirs and musings

moved

2006-11-19T14:05:00.000+08:00

of memoirs and musings
has moved to its new home HERE!

P/s: Am missing my Flash Flickr badge and the `graph paper' background graphic.
Otherwise, am really pleased with the new site.

Much thanks to Blogger for the great two years++
and especially to YOU for visiting :)

nueng song sam

2006-11-15T16:05:00.000+08:00

Black and white university uniforms- clean lines, sensuous curves, a tenacious spirit within a gentle mien, a study of contrast and all that are more than what meets the eye. Nueng song sam... natural light, clean face and blown out highlights enveloped in shadows... Following a thought and letting it fly, I love that.

Thai dreaming

`...Welcome you to Bangkok!!, Let me know what's convenience time that you'll have when you arrive at Bangkok. I'll take you to go to somewhere to eat (Kaiyang, Thod Man Pla, Tom Yam Kung etc), to shop and to relax...' Puen's reply had me grinning like a giddy goat as I read it aloud to Ah Tan, who appeared by the door smiling like a Cheshire cat. Bangkok in December will be a riot indeed: Pohf and sis will be there, a reunion with Puen who's back from Finland and then onwards to Kanchanaburi with Ah Tan and Meng Teck!

Krungthepmahanakhon Amornrattanakosin Mahintharayutthaya Mahadilokphop Noppharat Ratchathaniburirom Udomratchaniwetmahasathan Amonphiman Awatansathit Sakkathattiyawitsanukamprasit (The city of angels, the great city, the residence of the Emerald Buddha, the impregnable city (of Ayutthaya) of God Indra, the grand capital of the world endowed with nine precious gems, the happy city, abounding in an enormous Royal Palace that resembles the heavenly abode where reigns the reincarnated God, a city given by Indra and built by Vishnukarn.) i.e. Bangkok, I am looking forward to falling in love with you all over again...

wet cats and rusty bicycles

2006-11-11T14:15:00.000+08:00

"It's coming! Shhhh... OK OK... go get ready at the other door. Hurry!"
The lazy feline sauntered along the longkang, oblivious to the little feet that scurried behind the walls and drops of water haphazardly dripping across the floor with mischief.

"One... two.... SPLASHHH!!"
Caught by surprise, the drenched cat jumped and sped off along the wall with a loud wailing Meowwwwwwww and just as expected, it turned a right corner at the end of the wall just before the rubber processing shed, towards door number two.

"One... two... SPLASHHH!!"
The meowing siren veered off at another right angle, this time darting across the backyard towards the rubber trees. Startled chickens, ducks and geese burst into a cacophony of noises that was joined in chorus by hoots and shouts as the two kids fell on the kitchen floor laughing, water scoop and pot clanging in victory.

"Ah Mekkkkkkk! Mai ak niao ahh! Kam khong ohhh... Tan jit ae lok ho, waipo sa buay ta ahhh!!! (Ah Mekkkkkkk, do not wet the cat! Goodness, Grandmother's clothes will not get dry if it rains later!!!) "
Little feet hurriedly drag rag cloths across the floor, soaking up mini puddles of water before disappearing out of sight as a plump old lady came in through door number one with a basket of freshly plucked sweet potato leaves.
..........

"Look out!! Monitor lizard crossing ahead!!"
"Belok kanan... kanannnnnnnn! (Turn right, righhhhtt!)"
"Too late!! Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!"
A rickety old bicycle whizzed past the rubber trees in a blur of rusty red followed in close pursuit by another rickety black bicycle. Both were carrying pillion riders that bounced up and down, squealing with delight while holding on for dear life as the riders navigated the bicycles at breakneck speed over roots, stones and the occasional monitor lizard that criss-crossed the path.

"Oh ohhhh... Si liao... (We are dead...)"
The black bicycle came to a screeching halt in front of a thin old man in his black pants and white singlet, standing akimbo on the porch. A split second later, the red bicycle appeared from the rubber plantation behind the house and went straight into the bougainvillea bushes, sending slippers flying and two kids tumbling onto the laterite soil. Four dusty faces squatted by the red bike, one wheel still spinning awkwardly as it laid on its side, and watched in silence as the old man wheeled his black bicycle towards the main road. The annoyed scowl never left his face as he gestured with his hand to return Waipo's bicycle to the shed.

"Waikong, lu buat apa? (Grandfather, what're you doing?)"
"Asoh pisau, toreh g'tah (Sharpening the rubber tapping knife)."
Waikong's smile had a few teeth missing and his broken Malay naturally begat a stiffled giggle or two. In the suffused light of the late afternoon sun, he sat hunched on his stool in the backyard sharpening his rubber tapping knives. Mama said Waikong was a very handsome man in his youth. The only youth left now is in his eyes and his smile, and a smiling Waikong was definitely better than an angry Waikong but not half as funny.
..........

It's raining outside and my thoughts drift to those of my late maternal grandparents- Wàigōng and Wàipó. When I think of them, I remember their bicycles and their lovely wooden house in the rubber estate back in Muar. Nary a day went past without an adventure or two whenever we are back in the kampung. Waipo's bicycle had a softer cushioned seat but no brakes. Stopping required a skilled manouver of landing your feet on the ground to slow down the bicycle or very simply crashing into something if your legs are too short. On the days when we were grounded from cycling (usually because we were off riding in the rubber estate when Waikong needed his bicycle), we would be collecting rubber seeds, chasing poultry, catching longkang fishes or planning the next great cat splashdown.

Waipo believed that if you wet a cat on a sunny day, your day will be ruined by rain. Superstition or not, it often rained whenever we were back for the school holidays. Ambushing the cat was so much fun that it didn't matter if we had to spend the rest of the day indoors while waiting out the rain. Sweet black thick coffee with fluffy kuih bahulu (madeleines) are excellent companions on rainy afternoons as we waited for the poor cat to come indoors and dry itself by the charcoal stove, ignoring our giggles. At night, we watched the fuzzy TV that alternated between colour and monochrome as a motley crew of lizards provided lame canned laughter for every program. We would sit with our legs up on the chairs and nobody sat on the floor. Centipedes usually sought dry shelter in the house during the rainy season and in the kampung, they can grow real long and fat. According to Atah, a centipede's bite is real painful and ugly. For all the living things under the sun that Waikong and Waipo ate, we were grateful that they left the lizards and centipedes alone.

schmapped, again!

2006-11-07T11:10:00.000+08:00

The second edition of the Schmap Barcelona Guide was recently released and one of my two photos from the first edition still made the cut. My shot of the Blue Grotto's entrance on Capri Island (below) also retained its inclusion in the Schmap Naples Guide 2nd ed. Apparently there were twice as many submissions in the selection pool for both second editions.

(Left) Via Laietana, home to Xurreria Laietana where you can find the most delicious churros con chocolate in Barcelona. Have it with a glass of cafe latte and attempt a Catalan conversation with the guy behind the counter as the smell of freshly-fried churros wafts and spills into the busy Catalonian street outside.

After a two hours-long trek from Anacapri down the cliffs dotted with magnificent villas by the sea, we came upon a scene of comedic madness as boatmen and tour operators exchange curses and shouts as they compete to take flustered tourists into the Grotta Azzurra. Only one boat at a time can pass through the entrance with the people in it lying down. The commotion continued the whole afternoon. Nonchalant old men cast their fishing lines and fat cats snoozed on the steps while suicidal backpackers jumped off the cliff. It is a wonder how they managed the tangential dive without impaling themselves on the sharp spikes below. The only near-fatality was the cat that choked on some biscuits we gave.

After the paying tourists and boats were gone, we swam in for free. Threading water outside the entrance as people emerge with cuts and gashes onto the algae-covered steps, I rued our shoestring budget and my great suggestion. With every second of hesitation, hidden sharp rocks and the narrow gap grew more menacing. Finally riding the next wave in, the adrenaline rush was pure intoxication.

So into the iridescent cave of hynoptic blue we went and out again into the crashing waves of the rising tide as the sun descended on the horizon outside. Moments later, the sight of Sugeo jubilantly pumping his fist in the air while doing some crazy frog-dolphin-chimaera-style swimming in the sea and toAdie shivering on the steps looking mighty pleased made me forget about my heart that almost froze fifteen minutes before.

chronocentric minstrel

2006-11-06T23:36:00.000+08:00

For the one that was almost lost today...

The gangster in me
Resides on my wrist
Stainless steel band
With a plastic face
Chain of Love
The name’s for real
Lament not its look
It is one with my pulse
Mail metal medieval
Links that cross
Bracelet that charms
Keeper of time
Celebrant of memories
An almost fall
A bleeding toe
A relieved sigh
Tough love, baby
Criminal love
But it's love all the same
For the lil' mob in you

chronic conversations

2006-11-01T23:17:00.000+08:00

For the life of me, I cannot fathom why when somebody sitting next to you in a bus is reading a book while wearing her sunnies and earphones, you'd still try your very best to engage her in some small talk whenever possible. Instead of dozing off on a hot afternoon, she's obviously lost in those pages and the music she's listening to. I wonder which part of her body language tells you that she's bored and she'd like to get to know you better. Perhaps you're getting funny ideas from the Hitch movie that's showing onboard or that you're encouraged by her polite but short responses. Or maybe, of all things, you find yourself intrigued or attracted(uwekkk...) and proceeds to share with her the following:

how surprised you are that PC.com magazine is so interesting(after browsing through it for ten minutes);
a demonstration of how your portable GPS navigator works (which you had stuck onto the bus window screen complete with the voice prompter turned on i.e. annoying) and how you're very much into gadgets;
assuming that she's a first year undergraduate, and with that she'd be more than half your age younger (you also declare proudly that you're a graduate from a Singapore university)
how you are unaware of other SIN-KL express coach services other than those hopeless ones operating from the Golden Mile Complex;
that you are into cycling, both road and off-road and that you're looking for some ways to mount your GPS gadget onto your bike (she then asks you is there really a need for GPS while cycling in Bukit Timah or also around Singapore generally; she thinks the idea of staring into a jiggling LCD screen while cycling is weird);
the last fiction book you read was that very famous book about Christianity which you found so `deep' and `heavy' that you could barely read a few pages before surrendering (she asks you if you're refering to The Da Vinci Code to which you exclaim in shock when she says it's an easy read; upon seeing your reaction, she wished she guessed the Bible instead);
how surprised you were that you are able to manually search for a local network on your mobile phone when on roaming (she wonders if she misheard that you were into gadgets and all that techie stuff).

and asking her questions like these:

"You read a lot, don't you?" (Repeat question when she doesn't hear you because she's wearing earphones.)
When she's adjusting her iPod mini's volume higher: "Is that an iPod nano? It's the latest, isn't it?" (Proceed to explain you're not into mp3 players because you have a PDA.)
"Are you on school holidays now?" (She already mentioned that she's not an undergraduate) followed half an hour later by "So, your final exams are over? You must be going back for your holidays."
"If you don't mind, can I have your phone number?" (She offers to give her e-mail address instead and regrets not saying point blank that she minds.)
"Do you have a pen and a piece of paper?" (She wonders why you can't just use your multi-purpose PDA. You give her your bus ticket stub and then make this statement as she scribbles her e-mail address: "You look scared. Please don't be afraid, it's just that I've taken this bus so many times and I've never met anyone who is so intellectually different from me. So I'd like to keep in touch. I will definitely e-mail you when I'm back in Singapore.")
When the bus reaches its destination after the agonizing ten minutes that lapsed since you asked for her phone number: "Does the LRT actually work? I mean, is it really functioning? People use it?" (points to the nearby LRT station.)

Relating all these to Evie, the veteran 'uncle, married man and ahpek'-magnet laughed and laughed and laughed with such glee, you'd think she struck the lottery. Haihhhh... why can't I ever sit next to a cute young guy with reasonable intelligence/social skills without feeling that I want to hantuk kepala against the window? Yes Evie, ngo tou yau kam yatt...

these hallowed days

2006-10-31T13:37:00.000+08:00

So the application has been submitted and hopefully there will be good news for me in January. Should that come true, this time next year, I will be writing about autumn's end in London and that, will be truly magnificent. I'm running out of funding options but I do believe it is still possible. I am not ready to give up. Earlier in the year, I reckoned that 2006 would be a defining one but nothing really took off as depressive days alternate with delightful ones. However on this last day of October, it feels like an awakening to remember. There is a renewed sense of hope and purpose when truth finally reigns in one's heart and mind, and the body festers no more at inertia. To be at peace with oneself surpasses description.

Meanwhile, the rainy season has finally arrived. Plenty of evening walks before heaven-sent showers and windy spells to look forward to while I work hard to redeem myself this November. Bangkok in December beckons once that bound volume closes this chapter of my life... Aja! Aja!

reality in print

2006-10-24T18:30:00.000+08:00

I used to read the newspaper religiously every day after coming back from school. From the front page to the comics or sports sections and to the obituaries, I'd pour over each article or its title at the very least. I'd read and eat lunch while lying sprawled on my stomach on the carpet in the living room, much to Mama's chagrin. The day feels weird if I had not read the papers before I go to bed at night. While in university, my daily date with the dailies became weekly or fortnightly ones as Atah and Mama will pile up the week's worth of newspapers for me to read when I came back for the weekends. Nowadays, I read them online but the fascination with the news i.e. the state of the country, has blunted somewhat.

Maybe it's the increasingly dumb things that are constantly making the front pages or the depressing crime reports ever present, reading the news have ceased to be a joyful habit for me. The last time I bought a local newspaper on my own, I wanted to keel over by page five. I no longer wondered why our youth in general seem to love to describe themselves as jaded, disillusioned, or pessimistic. Perhaps it is because they read and watch the news daily.

Anyway, I digressed. This article made my day simply because it is heartening to know that there are people who get it and are courageous enough to stand up to the flak, however ridiculous it may get. There are still people who hope and do something about their hopes.

the charmed one

2006-10-19T17:39:00.000+08:00

Bored stiff in the bus, a sudden SMS alert tone led to a flurry of text messages being exchanged:

Me: Ah Tan! Someone in the bus has the exact Kim Sam Soon SMS alert tone; the bee boo bee boo one!
Ah Tan: Haha... go see if he's cute or not. If it's a`he'.
Me: Aiyak... the whole bus has mostly uncles and ahpeks. Got lah one or two young men but err... no thanks. Potong stim aje nanti.
Ah Tan: Haha... Just check lah.
Me: Okie confirmed. It belongs to an uncle a few seats behind. Cheh...
Ah Tan: Wahhh, the uncle watches Kim Sam Soon!
Me: ...

Barely a week later, Ah Tan and Ah Chan returned from their Penang weekend trip with this for me, at the sight of which, I couldn't stop laughing...

kindred spirits

2006-10-16T21:22:00.000+08:00

A much anticipated reunion for Lish's bridal shower and celebrating ten years (and counting!) of friendship. From Petaling Jaya to Kuching, Kota Kinabalu and Serdang to now, Kuala Lumpur, Melaka and Singapore... ours is an enduring bond forged from the good old days of Sixth Form in BBBS. When kindred spirits gather, there are always much laughter, good food and a whole dose of sampat-ness!

Invitation cards, party favours and wedding wrist corsages for everyone!

A weekend retreat at Villa Indah with six girls; one lovely bride-to-be. Olive green, champagne peach and white decor theme with lots of party favours. Scrumptious food with Chef Guon at helm: Vietnamese springroll lunch, afternoon tea in an arcade, French dinner at Bukit Tinggi, ultra adorable and yummy Cuppacakes mini cupcakes, sangria, port, chocolate fondue with a fruit tower and Mexican tortilla brunch.

DJ Natasha P.B. provided the music- lots of old skool stuff and romantic songs that got us reminiscing school and university life while looking through our photo albums. The super-sized pajama party lasted into the wee hours of the morning with a freezing night swim and pool race, soap-bubble blowing session, hilarious drawings about the life and love of Li Shyan, and of course, chi mui chit-chat and gossips. 'Twas a splendid walk down memory lane and a spirited toast to the future as we also celebrated each other's birthdays (Sept 7 - Nov 3)!

P/s: Nope, no male strippers involved as our bride-to-be sees men in various states of undress on a daily basis: she's a doctor, so tak heranlah! Hee...

la vie boheme

2006-10-11T12:10:00.000+08:00

I started keeping a blog after returning from an entire month of backpacking Europe in the summer of 2004. Facing a quarter-life-crisis, restless and lost, I took up the suggestion to blog from Adrian (who's been a mentor of sorts in more ways than he knows). All these stuff in my head, my heart, and through my eyes, they had to be deposited somewhere before they each fade from existence in Father Time's hands.

So much have transpired as the years flew. I fell in and out of love. I made new friends and rediscovered old ones. I still have not found my calling but I know for sure what I love to do, what is important in my life and most of all, what is worth fighting for. Inspirations and epiphanies came from numerous people and places, sometimes those least expected. Milan Kundera inspired me to look for the accidental beauty in life. Ah Tan taught me the contentment that comes with jian dan de xing fu (simple happiness) and the courage to pursue love. Tommy Oshima showed me the power of preserving a moment and let it echo for eternity. Strangers wrote in to tell me how certain photographs of mine or my pieces of writings touched their lives.

Looking through the archives, I find myself relieving a myriad of moments. Some made me cringe, some made me cry all over again, some made me ponder even more but mostly, they made me smile, grin or guffaw in laughter. For the almost 250-odd posts, there are possibly a thousand more not put in writing. Thus, for all these and for more that is to come, I am brimming over with gratitude. Tomorrow as I blow out the candles to my twenty-seventh year, I only have one wish.

To be useful.

nine for three

2006-10-08T23:55:00.000+08:00

Awesome surprise dinner of pizza, rojak, popiah, chocolate cake, lychee martini ice-cream, honey lemon juice, port and red wine with some of the most wonderful people on this part of the planet: Chammika, Dandan, Hema, Meng Teck, Mingshi, Ryan, Siew Leong and Yvonne. Birthdays are always extra fun when celebrated together in the company of great friends. Thanks y'all! *sniff*

Top left image courtesy of Siew Leong:
Meng Teck (Sept 26), Chammika (Oct 13), and yours truly (Oct 12).

once upon a midnight yolk

2006-10-07T03:40:00.000+08:00

It's 3.30 a.m. and the coffee table in the hall is covered with wrist corsages made of blushing roses, ivy leaves and satin ribbons, chinese take-out boxes filled with goodies, half-eaten mooncakes and presents both wrapped and opened. Ah Tan's fallen asleep on the sofa after our mini cocktail session gone bizarre: whisky on the rocks and dry gin with lemon and soursop juice plus nata de coco bits. Looking out of the windows, you'd be mistaken we were on Fraser's Hill, except that it's not cold nor misty and the air smells faintly of smoke. Cloaked by the haze, the moon reminds me of the dry orange egg yolk left behind after the rest of the mooncake got devoured. I think it's time to put my superpower to use later today... let's see, what kind of songs for monsoon rain again? Oh yeah. Yup. Oasis.

Saint Nicholas sure came early this year! Ah Tan gave me a brown tweed newsboy cap for my birthday present and a dried maple leaf from NYC while I bought myself a cotton bomber jacket. Sugeo gave me a FIFA World Cup '06 Deutschland scarf, a book of selected poems by Pablo Neruda and Xavier Naidoo's latest album, Telegramm für X! On top of that, Supra and him also got me Alaa Al Aswany's The Yacoubian Building! Speaking of books, David Sedaris' Naked and three new Haruki Murakami books join the reading queue back home. Yup, Mr. Spin-Spin is back despite the brain carousel we had from digesting Kafka on the Shore.

Sugeo's on the plane back to Aalen now, along with Parka the polar bear... all fattened up for winter. Can't wait till we meet again next June in Baden-Württemberg, Lijiang or Roma (Round Two-Gelato-Ding!) , Sugeo! Whichever destination Atah and Mama choose, I think our dear Ms. Sood-Doo will be the happiest! In the meantime, I'll work hard on my bowling pinfall score and that submission deadline...

the accidental peony

2006-10-02T23:25:00.000+08:00

The peony flower or 牡丹花 mu dan hua, is a traditional Chinese symbol of love, feminine beauty, happiness, prosperity and affection. In full bloom with its vibrant colours, the beautiful fragrant flower is regarded as an omen of good fortune.

Girl meets boy. Boy moves into apartment block where girl lives. Boy borrows girl's washing machine to do laundry. Girl helps boy to dry his clothes. Boy asks girl out to dinner. Girl is busy. Boy has lots of laundry. Boy buys girl lunch *ding!*. Girl and boy have more dinners together. *triple dings!*

Washing machine is happy.
Girl's best friend is delighted silly.

It is believed that placing a painting of the Chinese peony in one's marriage sector will ensure good Feng Shui in finding a faithful and loving partner. In lieu of the peony painting, one can also place a washing machine.

I love beautiful beginnings... *grin*

patella in da groove

2006-09-27T19:59:00.000+08:00

After two weeks of gradually exercising the quadricep muscles, my right kneecap is finally feeling back in place. Hooray to being able to bend both knees when using a squat toilet haha (Yup, I can better appreciate the invention of the sitting toilet now!), kneel in church and descend the stairs without feeling like my right leg got inverted or literally having two left feet! Some things are just better off without the extra mobility...

visages of fall

2006-09-24T22:55:00.000+08:00

It's the first day of fall today in New York, according to Ah Tan, who is currently nursing a jet lag on Long Island. The leaves are still pretty much green on the trees and she's already missing the hustle and bustle of Singapore, familiar faces and places. She said all's too quiet over there at the synchrotron.

Tonight's a hot and humid one like most other nights on the island. Sugeo left for home two days ago and I'm missing the two chikoras terribly. There never seems to be enough time and enough days together, and the seasons change too fast. Melancholy hangs in the air of my room so thickly that it'd soon precipitate into rain. Hee... yeah, I'll remember not to confuse the thyroids with the gonads lain kali alright? Something tells me that I'm never going to hear the end of that for the rest of my life from you two. Du du du...

They say the brightest colours of autumn are produced when dry, sunny days are followed by cool, dry nights- conditions favourable for the production of anthocyanins, the pigment that gives leaves their rich autumn riot of reds and purples.

Sitting atop a stack of plastic chairs in front of the house before Mama's thanksgiving party, my eyes welled up as I told Atah how I've lost heart for what I am doing and that the three years may have been a waste. I will finish it, I said, although not as well as I started it. I suppose regrets were written all over my face as Atah replied that a mistake is only regretable when you don't learn anything from it. It took everything I had to prevent myself from bursting into tears just as the evening rain fell around us.

The greatest goodbyes are usually the ones given in airports, bus depots or train stations but I guess the saddest ones are those said in the silence of the heart.

When you spend your days running away, there will come a time when all you want is to collapse into a big pile of fallen leaves, lay there breathless and then find yourself in the arms and warmth of someone who loves you, someone who is your sanctuary as much as you are his. Someone with the reasons for you wanting to stay.

So here I am, autumn in my heart... awaiting winter's chill. Autumn is but a second spring, some might say... oh just let me say my goodbyes and make my peace, however incoherent, and then it's full steam ahead, I promise, for I've got some serious catching up to do with growing up!

Fall, leaves, fall!

warabe ningyo

2006-09-15T23:31:00.000+08:00

Japanese paper dolls, bridal shower invites and Jane Austen

yi lu shang you ni

2006-09-09T00:16:00.000+08:00

Me and Chinese songs, we have a blossoming love affair.

I remember growing up with songs by Teresa Teng because Mama and Atah were big fans. There were also numerous Chinese folk tunes that Atah likes to sing with Mama although we have come to remember their comic singing more than the songs themselves. Anyway, I'd prefer listening to Teresa Teng over Engelbert Humperdinck anyday, anytime. Pleeeaaasseee release meeeeee.... let me gooooo, and let me run far, far away. Heh. Whenever his album was looping on the home stereo set, there was just no escaping the `torture'...

I guess I am especially enamoured with Chinese songs because there can be a hundred different songs about love for example, and yet every single one of them will still be unique and absolutely beautiful. The beauty lies in the honesty and creativity of the lyrics themselves. From simple direct ones to complex metaphorical lyrics, the songs never cease to amaze me with how meaningful they can be. A song can convey love despite not ever mentioning ai 爱 or about loving in its lyrics. Whoever says that Chinese people are not romantic must have never listened to any Chinese songs.

Being Chinese illiterate, I depend a lot on the vocals and the melody of a particular song to get me hooked enough to find out what the lyrics mean. Fortunately, the composition of Chinese songs rarely disappoint, especially those from my favourite artistes. I particularly love the use of piano, cello, guitar, violin and traditional instruments such as erhu, sanxian, or guzheng in ballads or pop/R&B tunes. I also appreciate the fact that the vocals take centrestage most of the time rather than playing second fiddle to the tune.

And when I do finally understand the lyrics, it simply takes the whole song onto a different plane of appreciation. Thanks to Chinese songs and being in Singapore, my spoken Mandarin vocabulary has expanded to a more decent size. Supra for example, learns written Chinese by translating Chinese songs that she likes with Atah's help. I still remember Atah going "Hwahhh... these poor fellas, so lovesick ah!" or "Aiyoh... so painful punya love!" as he was helping her figure out the lyrics to several Michael & Victor songs. There were also times when he'd complain good-humouredly that the translation work is getting tiring because his bulu roma stood up so much.

Personally, there's nothing like a lovely playlist of Jacky Cheung, Sandy Lam, Wang Lee Hom, David Tao and Jay Chou ballads to accompany a sleepless night. Insomnia is bittersweet when one ends up in complete lam sei-ness (Cantonese for jiwang sampai mati) or just feeling all warm inside when one finally nods tiredly to sleep.

Oh, and another reason why I love Chinese songs- the look on Atah's face when I do an emo rendition of the chorus line from Bobby Chen Shen's 把悲伤留给自己:

"把我的悲伤留给自己
妳的美丽让你带走"

... utterly priceless! Hee...

baking therapy

2006-09-07T19:05:00.000+08:00

Inspired by the lovely Korean drama series that Ah Tan and I are surreptitiously addicted to, we did some baking (God bless our most wonderful landlady for the Ariston oven)! Mexican wedding walnut cookies and vanilla muffins with peanut butter filling and chocolate chips... Hope they cheer our dear friend up!

"The body asks the heart, if I am in pain the doctor will cure me, but if you are in pain, who is going to cure you? The heart replies, only I can cure myself. Maybe that is why, each person have their own way of healing the pain in their hearts. Drink, sing, throw a tantrum, cry, laugh, talk to a friend, travel, run a marathon. The worst thing to do is to ignore the heart pain. My healing therapy is to wake up at dawn like this, bake a cake and make cookies. When my father passed away suddenly, and my once fiery love ended, when I felt put down, I will always bake at dawn in the kitchen and console myself with the wonderful smell. Is there any more beautiful therapy than this in the world?"

Kim Sam Soon in My Name is Kim Sam Soon

all that is left behind

2006-09-06T02:12:00.000+08:00

The late Lewis B. Smedes once said that "Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future." A new way to remember... hmm...

All I could remember of last September was crying myself to sleep on most nights and waking up with such puffy eyes that no amount of makeup could conceal. It was as if I had committed myself to the greatest fashion faux pas ever in my entire history of being alive- wearing pink eyeshadow. When this September ends, a year would have passed and all that would be left are just memories. Memories imbued in writings, drawings, photographs and perhaps a soft toy or two. I suppose toys can be given away or become just toys and photos deleted but poems and postcards are harder to deal with.

On one humid night not too long ago when we both couldn't sleep, I asked Ah Tan when would it be alright to remove the relics of the past. We laughed about the idea of burning everything in a ceremonial bonfire. "When they no longer mean anything anymore, the way they used to mean to you," she answered solemnly. I gazed at the two boxes and nodded in understanding.

When something gets broken and you glue the pieces back together however craftily, it could never be the same again. Mended lines and chipped edges now remain and infuse it with a new mien; albeit somewhat confused and fragile, belying a stronger character that is waiting to be whole once more. Like a lifetime of wrinkles, scars and lines etched onto the faces of old people, it renders them interesting, a testament of having really lived.

I closed the cover on the pale pink box and placed it back in the cupboard.
"All good things in good time," my heart whispers...

mopper beatified

2006-09-04T23:57:00.000+08:00

I like mopping the floors. I love how my arms ache as I squeeze the mop dry on the final round while I'm completely drenched wet in sweat. I usually mop in three rounds: twice with soapy water and a final one with just normal water. Whenever it's my turn to do the house chores, I like to mop in the late afternoon on a weekend when no one else is at home, or at night when everyone has gone to sleep.

When I'm alone at home, I'd mop while listening to music on my iPod mini. There's something about stopping in front of the mirror with the mop stick in hand and miming a duet with David Tao or Gary Lightbody that cracks me up. In a case of syok sendiri, it's so self-gratifying that floor areas in front of mirrors in the apartment are usually spotless. On hot humid days, I'd sing out loud and bring the rain for a pleasant night.

Sometimes I find mopping cathartic. I reckon it is the best cure for anger and malicious thoughts, other than cleaning the toilet and swimming laps. Working all the anger into cleaning the floor usually leaves me totally spent. Best of all, after a long shower and finally collapsing into bed, I'd go to sleep with a grin and a peaceful mind.

Late-night mopping is usually done in silence as my mind distills the daily tumult of thoughts. Like some act of self-renewal, every floor tile mopped clean is one more space for a lovely thought or feeling. Aahh... mopping, my yoga for the soul.

photobooth memories

2006-08-31T22:51:00.000+08:00

Celebrating friendship as the nation celebrates its 49th Merdeka anniversary, with pastries, drinks, retro music, cherished company and lotsa photos from the most delightful photobooth!! Cheers and salam merdeka!

Puan Besar dan Aminah, 사랑해요!! Hee...

the duck blesser

2006-08-31T22:43:00.000+08:00

Portrait series: Yvonne a.k.a. Ah Tan

technicolour TMT

2006-08-31T22:27:00.000+08:00

Portrait series: Meng Teck

stealing kisses

2006-08-29T00:53:00.000+08:00

Izinkanku mencuri sehari denganmu
Menjelajah padang saujana
ditemani sepoi-sepoi bahasa
Menukil memori yang berterabur di awangan
menghias dewangga kalbu
Simpulan di hati terurai
dipuput bayu
Pulang dalam lamunan
dikucup mentari
memaling ciuman

Muse: Puffball invasion by Sugeo

If I could steal a day away with you, to the meadows we will go. Lying in the grass or traipsing through the fields, we can watch the morphing puffballs in the skies, gather passing daydreams or sketch some wandering thoughts. Chaperoned by the healing breeze, we could laugh and chatter like gleeful kids or just lie in lovely silences. With a zephyr's breath, dandelions take flight and the heart's knots unravel themselves. Collecting memories scattered in the air to adorn the tapestry in our hearts. Returning in a reverie when the hours run out, sun-kissed and stealing kisses...

thursday night live

2006-08-25T02:09:00.000+08:00

"Then when you dah balik and she is back as well, you can send her flowers to thank her. Girls like flowers one, especially unexpected deliveries macam tu."
"Hmm... brilliant, I say!"
"Of course!" *Peals of laughter*
"Now if only I can find out her birthday."
"In your note with the flowers or SMS after she's supposed to get it, just say that since you couldn't belanja kopi in return for her kindness, flowers will have to do for now. Next time you're there, your kopi offer is still good you hope, and if she ever comes to your place, you know some nice cafe."
"Oh goodness you are dangerous, su yin ong. Lucky you're not a guy."
"Yeah, if I'm born a guy, I'd be a casanova?"
*Guffaws* "You can go buaya guys, what!"
"Cheh... knowing the techniques doesn't mean I can abuse them."
"Actually I think it's because you are a girl, that's why."
"My first and utmost lesson was on what? SINCERITY. A smart girl can see through a casanova anytime one. If the guy has a good heart, a little extra charm doesn't hurt. Seeeeeeeee... so flowers and kopi are good!"
"It's as if life began today..."
"Haiyohhhhhh dramanya!"

mutant puffs & tea treasures

2006-08-20T21:33:00.000+08:00

Ah Tan mengidam nak buat karipap lately so we tried making some for tea today while Ah Chan prepared the stuff to cook for dinner. We used the recipe from Jo's Deli & Bakery as Ah Tan wanted the flaky-spiral-ish kind of pastry. The filling consisted of cubes of potato and chicken meat cooked in curry sauce and we added small chunks of hard-boiled egg. The chinese pastry skin was quite difficult to get right at first. Somehow we managed to mess up the oil and water dough proportions and ended up with really fluffy mini puffs that crumbled at the slightest bite. We also didn't have the plastic shape-maker so we sealed and made the edges the old-fashioned way- tekan, penyek, lipat, ulang sampai hujung. Hee... though they looked a little kerepot, they tasted really yummy!

In the evening, every single Mediacorp channel was showing the National Day Rally live telecast (to which Ah Tan woefully proclaimed "So sienzzz!!"), so we watched RTM1 instead and had a cultural exchange session with Dandan. Ah Tan also made us each a cup of Six Treasures tea that is supposed to be Eight Treasures but alas, two ingredients were missing. A little peculiar-tasting because it is sweet, sour and bitter all at once, but really pleasant for our aktiviti bersilaturahim after dinner a.k.a. chor dai ti!

a faithful promise

2006-08-15T22:54:00.000+08:00

Daughter, woman, child dearest...
saltwater washed the bones ashore
saltwater flooded a weary heart
saltwater tainted your oasis of truth
and anger clouded your eyes to forgiveness, grace and love.

I sat by myself at a pew in the middle, right next to the centre aisle. Back home, I'd have chosen a cosy corner at the side or even at the far back. Sometimes, I'd welcome sitting in the direct glare of the morning or evening sun so I won't fall asleep during the sermon later. But mostly, where I end up sitting at is not up to me because I rarely went alone. Here, I usually sit somewhere in the middle but close to the front. Here, I do at times, come on my own.

Thesis. Thesis. Thesis. Lish's bridal shower retreat. Backpack Taiwan. Chatuchak. Sugeoooooo. Purpose of my existence. Imperial. Mama. Thesis. Thesis. Thesis.

I sat and stared at the full-length glass windows beside the stained glass panels framing the crucifix. Trees grew outside and they sashayed gracefully in the wind. If you sit considerably in front, you can see the stream of vehicles exiting the AYE up into Clementi Road. At peak hours like those during a sunset mass, the chain of cars is rarely broken. No sound, just lush details, like a diorama from somewhere in my childhood. I especially love certain times of the year when the tree leaves turn auburn and then swirl in chaotic but always beautiful descents to the ground each time a gust of wind or two come spiraling through.

Would he, whom I would one day love, love me as much as Atah loves Mama?

I sat and leaf through the Sunday Missal, wondering which Sunday it is. Then, I remembered today's a Tuesday. Aahh... oh well. Shortly, an announcement came up. Page 268. Yeay.

Assumption is a feast of reaffirmation. Body and soul. Continue to do good and do it locally- in your home, your family, your friends, at your work place, in your community. There is always a need for goodness and one person can really change the world. What is the world but the lives, things and situations around you? One life, we give it our best shot. Make it a beautiful one, a beautiful existence.

I sat and looked up at the ceilings. It had been raining all day, perhaps the roof had sprang a leak. I wiped the drop of water off my head and moved a little to my right. A little while later, another drop of water fell and I wiped it off my shoulder. It had better not be pigeon pee.

In India, we have a famine of the body but here, you have a famine of the spirits. Be where you are needed, child, and do what you're best at, with all your love.... always. Questions and answers. Rewards and sacrifices. Promises and faith.

I kneeled and prayed...

fairy lamps

2006-08-09T14:25:00.000+08:00

Mama's rain lilies, Zephyrantes candida in full bloom.

kampung chicks

2006-08-06T15:57:00.000+08:00

sleepy chick *Photog: Supra

explorer duo

Gebu the Yang-O

waiting for Abu Dhabi posting *Photog: Supra

seeing double *Photog: Supra

bebola comel dari Korea

2006-08-04T09:18:00.000+08:00

He is a brown ball of soft fur, scraggly whiskers and dopey eyes. Named after Lord Min (민정호) in Dae Jang Geum, my Korean beaver (whom Supra and me suspect looks more like an otter because of his tail) is ultra lovable. If you hug him tight, his stomach squeaks! When Min Zhenghao the Beaver meets Mr Magix the Raccoon in September, there might be mayhem in the house!

Hand puppet soft toys are really nice. Komawoyo, Meng Teck!

entre la sombra y el alma

2006-07-24T00:08:00.000+08:00

Soneto XVII
de Pablo Neruda

No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,

sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.

Sonnet XVII
by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

of soil and seeds

2006-07-22T12:59:00.000+08:00

I am a graduate of UPM.

Cheh, macam support group meeting introduction! Hee... :P

Yes, I graduated from Universiti Putra Malaysia. The university and the course I graduated from were my first choices in my IPTA application. Call it going against type, but I was determined not to select UM simply because everybody else wanted to go there and felt that they would die if they did not succeed in their admission application. I remembered Pn. Zainita, my Year 6 class teacher and Mrs. Kua, my 6th Form class teacher saying no matter where you go or end up at, if you're a good seed, you will grow, blossom and bear fruits of blessings for others. Logically I argued with them that it would also have to depend on the soil and environmental conditions. They both had the same reply, "If you have good soil and a bad seed, that would be such a waste, no?". For days after, I would be thinking of coconuts floating in the ocean, finding land.

The first few weeks of university were harrowing. Firstly, I got traumatised when the VC earnestly said in his welcome speech, "Bila berada di menara gading, anda berada di ambang perkahwinan..." I swear I cringed and sunk deep into my seat. The students around me smiled sheepishly or laughed like it was the best thing they've heard in ages. Evidently, I failed to appreciate the humour because I felt that I didn't go through 6th Form and STPM to end up in a bridal market.

The initial weeks also introduced me to polarization and the simple observation that boy, do our universities unravel any effort made at the primary level for racial integration. Chinese-educated peers shunned me and scoffed at my insistence in speaking English or Malay. It was never an attempt to be superior, I simply could not speak Mandarin or the other dialects, at least not without causing mass diarrhea. Chinese seniors came to my residential college and spoke of how we as Chinese must help each other in order to survive and promptly established a support network. This occurred for the other new students as well and even within the same course, seniors mostly helped juniors of the same race. Obstracized because I couldn't speak the language and did not sympathize with the need to flock together, I spent the first month hanging out almost exclusively with Malay and Indian coursemates. A clash of mentalities perhap, but the irony of being an outcast because I was a product of the sekolah kebangsaan system in a public university was biting.

It was only natural that I gravitated towards AIESEC where everybody spoke Manglish and individuality was celebrated as much as diversity. AIESEC gave me opportunities to cross borders (literally!) and hone many skills that lectures can't teach. A dedicated alumni and a nationwide network helped in many ways to make my campus life unpredictable, exhilarating and fulfilling. In many ways, the activities made us more into mature and responsible adults rather than just students in a club. My AIESEC stint also lead on to participation in many university activities that involved interactions with a hodgepodge of student leaders and representatives, be it local or regional. The whole collective experience was nothing short of wonderful.

It was in UPM too that I discovered and developed my love for theatre and writing. In that little Rumah Teater next to the Music Faculty, we spent cosy mornings, afternoons and evenings getting lost in Brecht, Beckett, Wedekind, Williams, performance theories, local culture, world history, humanity and of course, acting. Learning from each other was as important as learning from text or teachers. It completely changed my concept of what a classroom is and what learning can be like. Contrary to most perceptions, most of us who had the opportunity to take those precious modules were not arts students, we were science students seeking something more. I did not realise it then, but under the dedicated tutelage of Rohaizad Suaidi and Rey Buono, what we learnt in those classes would prepare us for so much more in being human and being alive.

While working part-time before entering university, a fellow colleague, an overseas graduate, told me that I am losing out a lot by attending a local university. He regaled me with tales of his many adventures while studying in Melbourne, Australia. He made a bet with me that after three years in UPM, if I could match his adventures and honestly say I do not envy those who went overseas, he did give me RM200 for the accomplishment. I still have his namecard somewhere with the bet written behind it but it is a bet I don't ever need to claim. I had a splendid time as a student in Universiti Putra Malaysia.

I have been told by some of my peers that this is a rather rosy and sheltered view of local campus life. Perhaps so, but I do believe there is still accidental beauty to be found in yup, our local universities. Fortunately or unfortunately, these were the choices I made as a student and that was the campus life I wanted and had. As with most things in life, if you expect things to be handed over to you, you stand to lose out in so many ways. Reading the responses across the net to that video, I can't help but feel that we don't always have to make ourselves into victims or martyrs just to get our point across, do we? Yes, we cannot ignore the wrongdoings, but neither should we be myopic in our view of things. Sharing and venting anger or disgust when something goes wrong, more often than not, helps nothing for the cause or the person(s) involved.

Negative vibes always beget more of the same. I would like to remain positive :)

finding grace

2006-07-19T16:04:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you hear a song and the lyrics speak what's in your heart.
Then there are songs that speak what was not spoken.
The first or the last, and the things that are remembered forever.

Make This Go On Forever
by Snow Patrol
Eyes Open © 2006 Polydor Ltd.

Please don't let this turn into something it's not
I can only give you everything I've got
I can't be as sorry as you think I should
But I still love your more than anyone else could
All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight
Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right
The splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long
Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong
The last girl and the last reason
To make this last for as long as I could
The first kiss and the first time
That I felt connected to anything
The weight of water the way you taught me
To look past everything I have ever learned
The final word in the final sentence
You ever uttered to me was love
We have got through so much worse than this before
What's so different this time that you can't ignore
You say it is much more than just my last mistake
And we should spend some time apart
For both our sakes
The last girl and the last reason
To make this last for as long as I could
The first kiss and the first time
That I felt connected to anything
The weight of water the way you taught me
To look past everything I have ever learned
The final word in the final sentence
You ever uttered to me was love
And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness

quayside colours

2006-07-17T22:52:00.000+08:00

My favourite building in the whole of Singapore is an old police station. The 72-years Old Hill Street Police Station has been preserved and transformed into the present MICA building. Just looking at it whenever I'm near Clarke Quay makes me beam with glee. I especially love the colourful window and door shutters which remind me of a LEGO town set that I had as a kid. Read more about the history and transformation of this lovely building here.

jeng jeng jeng!

2006-07-15T14:48:00.000+08:00

I can't make up my mind to cut my hair short into a chin length bob or give it large fashion perm curls. Have not been taking photographs lately and I've kept my promise not to read any new books till the work at hand is done.

Thus, the restlessness ended up as a new look for the blog instead... :)

'twas a ball & lotsa yellow ones!

2006-07-11T22:07:00.000+08:00

It was a superb weekend. Decided to watch the World Cup final in town afterall although nobody else wanted to leave the comfort of their own sofa and home tv. Didn't have a jersey to wear so yours truly, the once-in-4-years punya football fan bersemangat-ly wore blue, white and red. Met up with Eyeris and Sam, caught France's opening goal while having a quick bite at the food court nearby before we all ran across the road to catch the live telecast at the The Plaza, National Library. Yeah, a strange venue but great nonetheless! The Sony HD screen was pleasantly huge and most of the crowd gathered there were Azzurri supporters. Perhaps the atmosphere would have been more crackling if they were more France supporters around.

The sight of a lonely Les Bleus supporter wearing Zidane's No.10 jersey walking around aimlessly during the second half ironically foretold the unfortunate event that eclipsed Italy's win. Ohh the agony, even the skies opened up... Later, while walking towards the MRT in the rain, trying to imagine a convoy of Mat Rempits blaring their motorcycle horns as they speed down Bras Basah Road, shouting Itali, Itali, Itali menang!! brought a smile to my face. Oh, and that sad but really funny sight of a Brazil fan with the deflated horn in a videoclip of Italy's triumph over Brazil in 1982. Phoooot...

Coldplay Twisted Logic Tour 2006 Singapore photo © Jimmy Liew

Rainy Monday morning blues then gave way to a spectacular evening! My first concert in a mosh pit and it was absolutely awesome! Siew Leong and I met up with a gleeful Eyeris, fresh and high from interviewing Coldplay and the pre-concert cocktail session haha... We started out being in the middle somewhere 20m from the stage, initially blocked by a pair of "English twin towers", couples making out much to Michael's amusement and a "puffball" who attended a concert via his camera LCD, but later ended up a mere 5 metres away from the band! Watching the band and Chris Martin on the piano and his amusing antics upclose were surreal!

As Chris Martin remarked, the mood of the Monday night concert was unbelievable! The crowd was electric! Ah Chan the concert veteran said Coldplay Live overtook RHCP's as his personal favourite. Every song simply rocked but my favourite moments of the whole night have got to be the gold confetti-filled yellow balloon balls during Yellow, the rising anthems of Clocks and Politik and finally singing our hearts out to Fix You despite our voices being quite gone by then! Oooh... the euphoria! As the bus meandered its way back to the other side of the island, strains of Till Kingdom Come and Swallowed in the Sea accompanied the ride home and I gave silent thanks for being 165cm... tee hee!

when Krumm met Paddington Bear

2006-07-08T00:38:00.000+08:00

Dear toAdie lying on the pebble-strewn beach of Capri, trying very hard to even out his tan in the morning sun. He had earlier given up on babe-watching as the ones on our particular beach were either too young (cute little girls) or too old (spunky grandmothers in baggy bikinis). No amount of cajoling could get him to go swimming and check out the colourful fishes in the beautiful blue bay.

I remember hesitating briefly on the so-tak-baik-ness of taking the shot but one cheeky grin from Sugeo and the moment was immortalized for many, many years to come. It is also currently my Flickr's most popular photo ordered by interestingness and ahem, oh-so-gonna-be-featured for a future wedding celebration! Hee...

ACME smiles

2006-07-07T01:06:00.000+08:00

Always reluctant to delete them, I keep them for as long as possible either in the inbox or archive until the message memory fills up. Then these precious `tiramisu' SMSes end up here and here:

`Eh karenah- I suddenly tot of you and how u looked in F6 uniform&your quirky ways-funny la you.and yea i miss you!at this hour when my eyes cant even open!WTF!'

`heehee, i was at de music cafe i brought u last time n de singers 2day sound like jacky cheung! They sang his song n wu ting (jay chou)! :-D'

`Hey su-Pohf...i'm engaged..haha..off the market...will catch up with you all soon...'

`The peach and cherry blossoms are so beautiful. Just can't capture them with my camera. Sigh.'

`Tikus kampung sudah lepas ka Singpore. Pick her up sebelum dia sesat.'

lifted

2006-06-30T02:35:00.000+08:00

LORD help me to remember
that nothing is going to happen to me today
that you and I together can't handle
- a morning prayer

These words are carved onto a simple piece of wooden frame that used to hang on the wall of Atah's office in the brewery. After he retired, he gave it to me. He said no matter how bad the days would get at work, those words always gave him much strength. Now it hangs on the wall where my study desk is, garlanded with my glow-in-the-dark rosary and no matter how terrible the thesis writing gets these days, those words are giving me much love, hope, comfort and perspective.
..........

Perhaps being her firstborn, Mama and I share a telepathic link that finds her calling me up on the phone whenever I find myself alone in my darkest hour. In tears after a heated quarrel, when I felt like giving up, when panic left me fear-stricken or when I was festering in homesickness, the phone will ring on cue and Mama's cheery voice would go "Hallo Ah Cheh!" on the other end. Perhaps I gave my emotions away each time with the nervous laughter, the long pauses or the one-word responses... Mama would somehow know there was something troubling me.

Gentle admonishments, wise advice or just simply listening as everything came unveiled in a torrential outpour, Mama would clear away the storm clouds above my head and the barbed wires around my heart.
..........

Have I told you lately, how much I love you?

pure simplicity

2006-06-26T23:33:00.000+08:00

Wandered into an art gallery in town with Meng Teck the other day and found several paintings by a Vietnamese artist that completely took my breath away. The oil on canvas paintings depicted simple rural scenes, female portraitures and still life. There is something arrestingly soothing about each of the painting with its almost monochromatic palette, earthy peacefulness, bold strokes, and a quaint juxtaposition of textures.

One particular painting kept floating in my mind and I just had to reproduce it. My sketch of it barely resembles the original but is somewhat close in recollection. Hee... I need to go back to find out the artist's name, the title of the painting and for the pleasure of seeing it again...

..........
Note: Went back again in September but the painting's already sold, hence its title will remain to elude me. The wonderful artist's name however, is Nguyen Dieu Thuy and she hails from Ho Chi Minh city!

Esquadrão de Ouro

2006-06-23T21:01:00.000+08:00

Sugeo and his snapshots of the FIFA World Cup 2006 Brazil team's public training session a day before the match that saw the Seleção beat the Socceroos 2-0 to book a place in the Round of 16.

champagne sparkle

2006-06-21T15:32:00.000+08:00

When I left him that afternoon, he walked me out into a steady downpour. "Ah, a light rain," he said appreciatively, guiding me to my car. "In Sicily, in a rain like this, a man will always walk as slowly as possible, to show he isn't affected." And as the car pulled away, and I saw him standing in the driveway in the rain, on his way to Irian Jaya, I thought back to the line of Edgar's at the end of Lear:
"we that are young / Shall never see so much nor live so long."

from Norman Lewis: A Curious Collector of Curiosities,
Tropical Classical by Pico Iyer

gaining by losing

2006-06-19T21:01:00.000+08:00

"You work your ass off to get all As and you get Aquaculture. Stupendous logic. Makes a mockery of all that stress and care in filling each of the 8 choices, doesn't it?"
"None of our local university offered him Engineering but NUS did. Alas he won't be able to afford it even with a tuition grant unless he also takes a student loan."
"She was crying buckets when I called her. She's devastated they gave her zoology."

Today during dinner at the kopitiam downstairs, tears flowed and they wouldn't stop for awhile. Utterly embarassing but I couldn't help it, a frustration tempered with sadness that has been simmering with heartache and disappointment needed to come out somehow. Perhaps it was the distress in reading about the kongsi raya=haram issue in the papers on Sunday. Maybe it's the growing realisation that my country really does not love me back. I feel like I've been living in a giant protective bubble wrap and slowly, the bubbles are being popped, one at a time. Rose-tinted glasses are fogging over with disillusionment and there is nothing I can do about it.

"If God made me rich beyond imagination, I'd set up a scholarship fund to help these STPM achievers so that nobody can deny them their dreams!"
"Ah Su, you are already richer than you can imagine."
"I don't get it."
"You may not be rich with money but you have a great family and upbringing. That is more wealth than most people have."
"How does that help anything or anyone?"
"Your sister and all her peers, like us, they will survive and be stronger. We went through the same system but it hasn't stopped us from achieving what we want, right? So like us, they will find another way. A harder way but eventually, they will be better than those who got opportunities handed to them."

God bless Ah Tan, gem of a friend and anti-fog specialist.

How do you reconcile studying so hard and scoring great results with outright denial of what you want to study in the local university? I am of course refering to the oft neglected STPM scorers and not the circus -worthy feat of achieving 12 or 13A1s for SPM. Why don't our educational system and scholarship bodies recognise the efforts of these students? Why are there more scholarships available at the SPM qualification level than for those with great STPM achievements? What kind of crap meritocracy is it when the matriculation program is put on par with the STPM? Doesn't the fact that STPM remains the only Malaysian pre-university qualification recognised by overseas universities say something obvious? Why is something that is so plain to see remains so obtuse to the people who create and carry out our educational policies? STPM scorers are intent on one single purpose which is to make the grade to pursue a course of their choice in our local university. If they could afford an overseas education, they do not have to choose the STPM as other globally recognised pre-university qualifications are aplenty.

No, I do not need answers to the questions I'm asking. I know all the answers (don't we all?) and that is why the tears came streaming down. This is what you call kik sim-ness yang tidak terhingga.

My heart breaks many times over for all the good STPM scorers who are denied of any of their eight course choices or are refused a place in the local universities altogether. Perhaps as Ah Tan wisely said, pursuing your dreams via the harder route will make success all the sweeter and more meaningful. Have a good cry and then move on. Find out your alternative options and have faith, there are always many different paths to arrive at the same destination. We may not be able to change a moronic system but we are fully able to chart the routes our own lives take. Journey well and may you walk with a happy heart.

eyes wide open

2006-06-17T03:00:00.000+08:00

There was an Iswara in front of me, awaiting traffic to ease on the opposite lane so that it can turn into the housing estate on the right. I was in my Kancil waiting for the Iswara to turn so that I can move on. The traffic on the left was too heavy for me to switch lanes. Oh well, it's just one car; I'll just wait. My eyes darted between the front car, the right lane traffic and the rearview mirror. Suddenly, everything that happened next unfolded as if in slow motion. A car was fast approaching from behind but something was amiss. It didn't seem to slow down nor signal to switch lanes. My heart raced, hands gripped the sides of my car seat tight, eyes transfixed on the rearview mirror and the pair of bright growing headlights. No, no, no way... stop. SSSTT...

As the car slammed into mine, my eight beanie bears on the dashboard flew like confetti and the backseat became a mess of files, notes and clothes. As I watched two big burly men alight from the Iswara in front, I felt like I lost my brains for awhile. I got out of the car, feeling weak in the knees and looked at the car behind. Great, another Iswara. Why didn't you stop? I felt my own voice tremble exasperatedly as I faced a dazed-looking man flushed pink in the cheeks. "Mei pan fa, xiao jie. Mei pan fa," he said repeatedly with an irritating silly smile. Excuse me, no choice? Mei pan fa? One of the two men from the front Iswara came up angrily and demanded to know what happened as the other inspected their car. In the blur of car horns and a heated flurry of Mandarin and Cantonese, I remember staring at my poor Kancil all banged up front and back, sandwiched between two perfectly unscathed Iswaras.

Traffic was fast building up on both sides of the trunk road. No signs of pesky tow-truck operators. Pheww. I had to borrow one of the burly men's mobile phone to call Atah as my phone battery conveniently died ten minutes before the accident. My Kancil thankfully could still start. After a short exchange of instructions with the intoxicated idiot and some words of thanks to the kind burly men, I drove my Kancil to the nearest police station, chanting the idiot's vehicle car plate number to the accompaniment of painful clanking engine sounds and a mental replay of colourful flying bears.

Sometimes at night when sleep eludes me, I lie awake and that incident a few years ago returns in a perfectly vivid but odd recall. I can feel my chest tighten and hands grip an imaginary car seat as the mind fixes itself upon the anticipation of being hit. An imminent crash. Except I can't see any oncoming vehicles or bright headlights. No rearview mirror. Just a huge sigh and eyes wide open.

salt and pepper delight

2006-06-12T19:50:00.000+08:00

Excited kids, happy cousins, proud parents and a freezing ballroom.
Oh yeah, sea cucumbers are gross no matter how you cook them!

sugeo goleo

2006-06-08T17:42:00.000+08:00

Was talking on the phone with Supra as I was going through Sugeo's photos of the FIFA World Cup 2006 where he is currently a volunteer with the HostBroadcastServices (HBS) in Munich, Germany. Suddenly the top right corner of the Flickr page caught my eye...

Told Supra and we spent the next five minutes in a laughing fit.
Hee.. lawak...

Guten tag! Take a look behind the scenes with Sugeo and the Smurfs at the Allianz Arena Stadium and the International Broadcast Centre in Munich, Germany!

goosebumps

2006-06-03T23:07:00.000+08:00

Listening to and watching Anne Bogart present her thoughts in person on the relevance of theatre in the context of the global environment is humbling, illuminating and awe inspiring. Despite presenting her talk as the viewpoints of an American on the global stage, her explanations of what theatre means and what theatre can do were indeed close to heart and home. Each "rubric" she presented and the practical examples/applications she gave was easily assessible on a personal level and applicable to a local context. Her charismatic presence was electrifying but in a delightfully grounded, earthy and sincere manner. I couldn't help feeling really blessed to have had the opportunity to be her "student" for two hours... imagine being her graduate student at Columbia University or working with her in SITI. A beaming Mr. Suaidi remarked that Anne Bogart is the kind of person he wants to be when he grows up. Hee... yeah, she is truly inspiration and aspiration embodied.

Anne Bogart spoke of seven roles she felt theatre can play in the context of post-9/11. I loved how she communicated abstract concepts by simply stressing the keypoints and illustrating them through real daily life examples. Peppering her talk with interesting anecdotes and stories, she also drew rich inspiration from the sciences like mathematics(Gödel's theorem? or was it proof by contradiction?), physics(observer effect) and biology(mirror neurons). In demonstrating how scientific concepts are applicable to expanding theatre's definitions and roles, she had, as Mr. Suaidi aptly observed, also illuminated the encompassing relevance of theatre across society and for humanity.

... to intensify(kinetic and static), enthusiasm, to remember (a poet and watering holes, legacy in retelling), to expand what it means to be human, to articulate (and finish your sentences), to affect catharsis (etymology: shining light upon dark), challenging certainty with uncertainty, the fanatic extremes that follows absolute certainty, the magical creative place/position of not knowing what to make of something or being unsure, to work within a paradox, famine of the spirits (to be attentive), rehearsal is sacred, balancing the vertical and the horizontal, humour as a very important (but oft underestimated) tool, spectacle as 1/7th of a performance, relevance: not to affect only a particular group of audience but to speak directly to a particular part of all kinds of audiences, having the right intentions, the future is created by those who write rather than the ones wielding political power, the powerful silence that follows violence, the gym of the soul...

Most of all, Anne's talk taught me about owning a conviction, which is utterly empowering and yet is not selfish. Perhaps knowing what I do not want to do is indeed the best enlightenment. She articulated so many thoughts and emotions that I had never been able to convey to Mama and Atah; so much about what I love learning, doing and being a part of, so much about a pursuit of purpose and happiness. Pondering on these thoughts in the evening train, a quote from Mother Teresa comes to mind- works of love are works of peace. In a personal sense, perhaps to find peace is to do what I love and own it with all my raisons du coeur...

furry kinda love

2006-06-02T23:54:00.000+08:00

The 18 sekawan are back from their long overdue Annual Bath!! A little bit of drama and trauma this time around though. Nevertheless, all are clean and bright once more. *Yeay*

tikam thoughts

2006-05-23T06:11:00.000+08:00

Craving for nasi briyani ayam after awakening at 5.30 am with barely four hours of sleep is utterly not funny... especially not when you really feel like opening up the packet of Brahim's kurma sauce and cooking ayam kurma for breakfast, complete with vegetables and rice. Oh no, Sugeoooooo!

It is amazing how lonely one can feel even if surrounded by friends.

On one hand, I really hope I nail that scholarship application. That'll mean being in London by October this year, a dream of which I can't even begin to describe how much it means to me. On the other hand, not getting it will result in a year's deferment of my ICL admission, enabling me to be Lish punya chi mui with the rest of the gang at her wedding in December. I am glad the choice is not up to me to decide and yet somehow, how I wish it is.

This Sunday, by hook or by crook, I will attend morning mass.

June is going to be a horrible month of deadlines and also a wonderful month of visits from Atah, Mama, Supra, Lish and Pohf. It is also a month of weddings. May was one of marriage proposals. Hmmm... February does seem a little passé for love happenings, doesn't it?

If I return to sleep now, I do not wish to dream of eating Muar otak-otak or stir-fried sweet potato leaves with lots of garlic. Ish... kronik betul...

waiting to exhale

2006-05-22T23:53:00.000+08:00

It's like looking at a scab on your knee, waiting for the wound to dry and heal so you can peel off that ugly reminder of a bad scrape or a fall. Then your impatience gets the better of you and you pick at it before it's ready to come off. You pick around the edges only to realise that the wound is still quite raw in the middle. Unfortunately you can't stop because now that the scab is half holding on to the middle and loose round the edges, an accidental rub or hook will yank the whole piece out. Owww... you can imagine the agony. Gross. So you peel carefully and dilligently with surgical precision, hoping to minimise the damage. Finally the scab comes off but the wound bleeds again, profusely and with renewed vengeance.

Yeah, it sure feels like that... except there's no pain, only numbness and tiredness. Perhaps I'm trying too hard to be alright before it's time.

kathairein

2006-05-14T23:24:00.000+08:00

Once we thought `if you can't beat it, join it'. So we lived in accumulating filth for about close to a month. We really persevered despite the dusty feet, rolling hairballs *cue western movie music with deserted cowboy town imagery*, ant trails, lizard droppings and grimy table tops. When a pair of house slippers made its appearance, we surrendered.

"At least a maid gets paid, you know..."
Growing up, I've never had a maid and Mama made sure we understood she wasn't one. I am not Mama and neither is Ah Tan her mom, so we figured it is not our place to be educating a person on tact, common sense and sensibility. Anyhow, we'd be more than a decade too late.

Gue ngak ngerti. Seriously. Mopping the floors for the third round one night for my `I've-lost-count-of-how-many-times'th turn, I was left with a tear-stained face and sore palms. Two hours of cleaning, during which my mind was preoccupied with finding words to make the acronym S.L.O.B. allowed me to fall asleep without murderous dreams and floors so clean your toes will wriggle and dance! Ahhh... there's always a bright side to everything. I am also pleased to report that S.L.O.B. can be personalised for specimens of both genders.

I can now fully comprehend how housewives and working mothers can break down in tears when their children refuse to help keep the house clean. It is not melodrama hystrionics or emotional blackmailing. You'll understand one day when you're living on your own under the same roof as a S.L.O.B. and you will thank your mother with all your grateful heart.

Redemption lies with a broom, a mop and a bucket of soapy water. Clean and redeem.

"Dear little cicak, I'm utterly sorry for dragging you for about 1.5 metres or so in the mop while I was cleaning the kitchen floor today. I was mopping under the influence of anger and frustration. I hope your tail grows back soon. Be good and try not to do that zip-zap-bump routine at night, alright?"

a story, morning glory

2006-05-11T06:16:00.000+08:00

I awoke this morning before the sun did on these parts and did a little jig of celebration. It doesn't happen very often to someone like me. They say the condition of the womb dictates the survival traits of a newborn. Perhaps all those hours of waiting and finally gasping for my first mouthful of air in the wee hours of the morning made me nocturnal by nature. I was up late even before I came into the world. Hee... what a grand excuse. I was one week overdue too. Atah said I was supposed to share Mama's birthday but perhaps obstinate little me wanted a birthday cake of my own. Stubbornness however, is a trait I do share with Mama.

My thoughts drift to those of you. I wonder if you are like me, which would mean you'd probably still be sound asleep and only due to awake in another two hours. Then again, if you're working, you'd be awake soon; after several minutes of determined bargains with your alarm clock, that is, if you are like me. Maybe you are my complete opposite. That would make you more akin to Atah who has the most canggih circadian clock in the evolution of mankind. He can wake up whenever he wants to, just like that. His internal alarm clock is precise down to the minute. Unfortunately, he didn't pass that marvelous gene down to me. I am still much unevolved or devolved in terms of circadian rhythms. Atah says that the ability can be trained, it is not inherited. I still reckon it's a mutant gene.

Faces in a crowd, people that you meet or stories in your head, I wonder if you search for me. Mama sure hopes you do and she wishes that you'd look a bit harder. I burst out laughing when she said that one evening when we were watching tv. Lying on the carpet, I almost choked on my own saliva. But yes, I hope you're searching for me too. If I were a princess in a fairytale, Mama and Atah would have launched a sayembara for you a long time ago. Alas and thank goodness, I am not. Maybe we will find each other when we have found ourselves. Whatever you do, please don't give up.

Dawn is getting painted in a palette of blue, pink and yellow hues. Oh, and wee bit streaks of orange, like a last minute addition to a confused canvas. I am glad the mornings don't get lighted by the flick of a switch... every awakening deserves a little indulgence.

schmapped!

2006-05-11T01:32:00.000+08:00

Weeee! All three of my shortlisted photos got Schmapped !! Here are screenshots of how they appear in the Naples and Barcelona Schmap Guides...

assertion and dissertation

2006-05-08T16:45:00.000+08:00

"Resolving not to read another book till I'm done with my thesis is terribly difficult. It's like making a promise you know you won't keep. Four more unread books, four new worlds to get lost in... wait, is there a fifth?"
"No and anyway, National Geographic comes in the mailbox every month. Get lost in the real world."
"That's different lah. Besides, art borrows heavily from life. Science and the arts, they're mutual inspirations, macam gambarajah Venn..."
"Hello, we are zooming way past the point here. Major terpesongness!"
"Alright, a compromise: I'll read only when taking the MRT or on the bus. Uhm, what about rainy afternoons in a café?"
"What café? There's no time to be sitting in a café, make it the library!"
"No, libraries are full of books. The temptation will only get worse."
"Not if it's the medical library, there are only brain-numbing periodicals and rows of rows of books that you won't gravitate towards. Nothing interesting to get lost in, no gorgeous specimens of the opposite gender to distract you."
"Speaking of which, there was one hensem fella who kept staring at me at that quaint jazz café the other day. I'd like to have my hat-themed farewell party there if I'm going this year. It's so comfortably kooky!"
*Smack!* "He was probably staring at the hot Japanese keyboardist."
"Oh okie, yeah... I know lah, I have a thesis to write! How exciting! I'm quivering at the very thought of it!! Sigh. My lack of self-discipline is pathetic."
"Great, we actually concurred on something."

magnificent Melaka

2006-05-04T07:10:00.000+08:00

Makan Marathon Melaka 2006

It was a hot and sunny weekend in Melaka; perfect weather for a makan marathon. Mingshi, Ruijie, Ryan, Hema, Meng Teck, Siew Leong, Yvonne and I were joined by Booi and Pohf as we hunted down the list of scrumptious food in Melaka.

Highlights included lemang and serunding at Padang Temu, ikan bakar at Pernu-Umbai (3 ekor ikan jenahak, 2 kg of prawns, 1 kg of squids and goodness-knows-how-many packets of nasi lemak), hee kiaw, mee rojak, asam pedas (with salted duck egg and kangkung), baskets of otak-otak, bowls and bowls of cendol, fresh-out-of-the-oven pineapple tarts from Bibik House, second-toe-longer gangsters, Hainanese chicken rice balls, pongteh, rendang daging and sayur paku lodeh at Nyonya Makko, the crispiest char siew and siew yoke at 1am, satay celup at 2.30am, lepaking over drinks at Cafe Guan, playing chor dai ti at Wings Cafe (which Ryan won most of the games) and the best roti John (four for fuiyohhh) with ayam golek madu that was worth the drive all the way to Tg. Keling and back!

not going down

2006-05-02T01:07:00.000+08:00

there is always another way

small stuff angel

2006-04-28T02:54:00.000+08:00

Someday when I die and somehow I've been good enough to end up in heaven, and if there is such a thing as the option of choosing to become an angel or to just enjoy heavenly life... I would want to become an angel. But not the grand type of angel that appears in visions, dreams and in tunnels of light and glory or those who perform great miracles for I'd probably screw up things with all my clumsiness. I would like to be the kind of angel in charge of the small stuff. To hug someone forlorn, to touch the tear-stained face of a person in grief, to blow a little breeze onto the face of someone dejected, to make a tiny feather land on the nose of someone heartbroken, to create a comedic moment that'll get an angry person laughing, to make puddles of rainwater for children, pets and young-at-heart adults to splash in or flamingoes in the city to lepak in, to leave little signs for people who feel they are forgotten or abandoned, to bestow calm upon an anxious heart and sleep upon an insomniac mind, to make cats lie terbalik on the floor and ask you for a tickle... Okie, the last one is probably the most redundant and an unsanctioned angelic deed. Yup, small stuff punya angel. I think I'll make a good one... if I get to be one that is.

bag of jitters

2006-04-27T23:59:00.000+08:00

Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hope, all of my plans
My heart and my hands
I'm making them Yours

Strains of a beloved hymn find their way into the still of a restless night. A cool breeze sashays through the window, flirts with the curtains and waltzes its way out into the living room. The whirring sound of the table fan seems to blend in harmony with the hum from the highway traffic, fingers tapping on a laptop, noisy footsteps from the void deck and the occasional vehicle taking a corner on the street below. Somewhere across the world, decisions have been made. Whether or not they are in favour of helping my dream take flight remains to be known. I can only wait and lean not on my own understanding, something that's been so difficult to do this entire week and the remaining stretch of hours...

a dream in hand

2006-04-25T16:25:00.000+08:00

Building Number 22

jejantas prayer answered

2006-04-22T11:08:00.000+08:00

Read an e-mail ten times over while trying not to blink. Whisper the incredible news when your heart feels like screaming out loud. Feel your shoulder blades and ankles itch because you might be sprouting wings. Greet a morning feeling fabulous although you haven't slept for 38 hours. Happiness makes the silly justified and the mundane marvelous.

Five more days to feeling like this all over again or descend down to earth and oh well, plan the next great adventure!!

evidently sublime

2006-04-21T02:15:00.000+08:00

Put Your Records On
by Corinne Bailey Rae
Album: Corinne Bailey Rae © EMI (2006)

Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Go, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Blue as the sky, sombre and lonely,
Sipping tea in the bar by the road side,
(just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you,
Gotta love that afro hairdo.

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?

Go, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Just more than I could take, pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer.
Do what you want to.

Go, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Go, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Oh, you're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow

distillation by reflections

2006-04-17T17:12:00.000+08:00

Pucuk rebung biru diselubungi kabus.
Menara kembar berkerlipan disinar mentari.
Fajar di hatiku menyingsing.

As the bus sped on along the highway, I was lost in a moment of quiet happiness. The familiar landmarks, glimmering and ethereal, faded away as the distance between us grew so as to shrink again on another day. Wang Leehom's Da cheng xiao ai plays on my Mini. Small love in a big city. How apt. I wonder how many people noticed the lovely clouds and the beautiful blue today. I saw a laughing dog and one that looked like a karipap. My left butt still aches from the bowling session on Saturday. I can't bowl to save my life, only for comedic relief. Supra and me had a splendid date with Atah- bowling, sushi, window shopping, and many adorable dogs. I almost cried looking at the delicious spread that Mama and Atah whipped up yesterday: stir-fried pork strips with szechuan vegetables, Anion, Bodatoes & Carrot soup, stir-fried leek with crispy pork belly chunks and fried fish in tomato tauchu sauce- all my favourites! I wonder how was Sugeo's night at the Wagner opera yesterday and how Vienna looks like from inside a cafe wafting with the smell of freshly baked pastries and brewed coffee. I think of the afternoon with Mama Guon discussing details of Lish's Hen Night getaway, both wondering what happened to Evie-chai, the conference call with Pohf and the night visit from Lish. I really miss these women loads. toAdie and Fung Kit's papers started today and I hope they both ace every paper and kick some great ass.

I stared out of the window into the blinding sunlight and whispered my gratitude. So many blessings to count, so much love... God made all these kindred spirits and they are my life. He must love me very much. How easy it is to forget that simple knowledge which needs no reasoning. One little moment and all of life comes into perspective...

Childcraft geeks

2006-04-15T22:15:00.000+08:00

Jason Mraz's Mr A-Z album back cover art

"Hey, look!! Childcraft!! Comelnya..."
And the two lawak sisters squealed with delight. Supra noted that O.Lover's in the wrong colour. "Yeah, Volume 9 is pink. Wait. Song For A Friend is wrongly coloured too because Volume 12 is a deeper shade of pink than Volume 9. Really? I think it looks correct. Wronglah... definitely not maroon. Did You Get My Message pun salah. Nolah, betul lah tu... World and Space is turquoise blue, remember? Yeah. Hey, Childraft don't put their numbers at the bottom of the spine. Theirs are on top, above the picture part."

"Poems and Rhymes, Stories and Fables. What's Volume 3? Children Everywhere. World and Space, About Animals, The Green Planet, no no... the The Green Kingdom, How Things Work, About Us. Holidays and Birthdays. What's next ah? Places To Know. Yup. Make and Do, Look and Learn, Mathemagic, About Me and Guide for Parents. Plus the two supplementary ones: Feathered Friends and Myths and Legends! Hah!

"Kawaii neh... Yeah man, and they used the older cover design rather than the new ones. Hey, our Childcraft set is as old as Sugeo, you know? Yup, Mama's not ever throwing them away. Yeah, no way. There are volumes of memories and inspirations in them. The coolest gift ever. Hee... so much of my life began in those pages."

I think I'm beginning to understand why toAdie said that the two of us sound like demented sisters whenever we start rattling off and string sentences together as if there were no commas and full stops in a conversation.

antara idam dan rindu

2006-04-12T00:02:00.000+08:00

Hokkien char. Black. Fragrant. Lots of crispy fatty lard cubes. Ramly burger ayam special. Meat patty that's terbelah dua. Lots of pepper and Maggi seasoning. Wrapped in egg and mayo. Chinese tea with ice at any kopitiam and any mamak. Roti telur with kuah dhal. Nasi lemak. Simple. Fragrant. Tender beef rendang. Sambal kerang or sambal ikan bilis. No otah, no hash brown, not chap fan style. Karipap. Huge. Half a hard-boiled egg. Chicken chunks in yummy curry sauce. Klang seafood. Period. Bak kut teh. Herbal. Lots of assorted mushroom. Maggi goreng. Tak merah dan tak manis. Anything and everything that Mama and Atah cook!!

Be still my heart. It's going to be an awesome weekend.

monday morning blues

2006-04-10T02:13:00.000+08:00

The washing machine did a Merlion and vomited suds all over the kitchen floor. I can just hear Pohf going "Oh no... the evil thing is at it again!" Hee.. poor thing, probably just a case of indigestion. Now the floormats have to be washed for the second time in two separate loads. Great.

Random thoughts flood my mind as I wait for the first load to be done...

75% of the girls I know in Singapore are attached whereas 75% of the guys are single, available and searching (5% are all that plus desperate). My female:male friends ratio = 1:5. Ah Tan's conclusion: I'm choosy. My idealistic wait for `mere jaan, mere kismet' is hopeless. Lovely.

When I was 16 or 17, I told Mama I wouldn't mind being a nun if I'm called to the vocation and I'd consider it a special blessing. Mama went ballistic and mogok bisu with me for three days. Something about how she didn't carry me in her womb for nine months and have a daughter for a firstborn only to have her end up as a nun. When Atah drove me to school on the second morning, I got reprimanded that such "sensitive" topics (including the one on not wishing to get married) were to be avoided in future conversations with Mama unless I find it funny to make her kik sim enough not to talk to me for days on end. So based on history, I think Mama would really flip if I ever mentioned that I sometimes suspect I may be gay.

Radio stations that play mushy love songs in the wee hours of the morning are more evil than a washing machine that sounds like a herd of charging rhinos when it spins and plays hide and seek with one's student card and housemate's undergarments.

Oh well, the evil thing with a fetish for Kavita's knickers has finished round one. Yeay!

Ah Tan the Seer

2006-04-06T20:56:00.000+08:00

I was walking with Ah Tan back from lunch when I caught sight of him, walking towards us. I was instantly snapped out of the post-lunch-hot-afternoon stupor and smiled like a silly twit. Without stopping, I mustered a casual but idiotic "Going for lunch?" while beaming like a star on the verge of going supernova. He smiled, answered to the affirmative, grinned and continued on his way. The cosmic moment passed and I descended back onto planet Earth and turned around to see Ah Tan walking far behind. Caught up with her and promptly said "Ah Tan, wanna know a secret? But you can't tell Ah Chan, okie? That guy just now... I think I had a major crush on him."

"I know. During the conference, right?" came the selamba answer.

I froze and exploded into smithereens except that there wasn't a black hole where I had collapsed. After a short period of staring speechlessly at Ah Tan's highly-amused-but-trying-hard-not-to-laugh look, all my molecular bits reassembled and I asked her how she knew.

"I just know lah... can see what."
"See? Arrrghhh it was that obvious? Where got? Ah Tannnnn!"
"Not obvious, but I can see lah. Ah Su, I know you well enough..."
"Yeah lah, but how and what? If you noticed, means he does too!! I can so die now."
"There are some things that I can see that others can't."
"You see dead people? Okie, okie just kidding. What you see? Tell me lah, please?"
"No big deal lah. I just know... will you just relax?"
"Cannot... how in the world? Wait, did I say his name aloud in my sleep and you heard? I never mentioned before what... didn't even do anything. I... it's just that the sight of him somehow makes me happy and you know, I never thought there was going to be anything lah... I don't even know whether he's available or not. Little things lah... light up my day, you know... and that's about it. Arrghh, This is so malu-fying. I can keel over and gloriously die now for you to see. "
"No need to die one. Chill lah... you know he is single what."
"I do? He is single? How you know? Wait, single means not married only what!"

At that point of conversation, Ah Tan looked like it was her turn to go supernova. Hee...

sightings

2006-04-05T00:25:00.000+08:00

Recently, two of my Barcelona shots and one on Naples got shortlisted for inclusion in upcoming Schmap Guides of the said cities. Am not sure if my photos will be selected eventually but the shortlisting had me utterly delighted simply because Flickr is huge i.e. to be noticed is already awesome enough! There's a lively discussion going on in FlickrCentral on the topic of Schmap using Creative Commons-licensed photos in their online guides. Well, I think Schmap's a great tool and I'll be glad for the exposure if my photos get selected. I find it amazing that you'll never know just who might turn up on your Flickr page or where your photos turn up at!

in Cycling Feast

in ♥ HEART Magazine ♥ This photo won LensaMalaysia's first monthly assignment with the theme: Rust

in GoldFish Queen Supra is pleased as Punch!

in Sacred Destinations: Thailand

rêverie de jour

2006-04-02T14:58:00.000+08:00

"Her hand hovers so close to yours and you deliberate whether or not to take hold of it. She stands next to you and you resist the urge to stare at her sun-kissed face and the disheveled hair teased by the wind. Your eyes dart from the traffic to your shoes but mostly back to her, surreptitiously. Left, right, left, right. A warm breeze blows and occasionally your shoulder brushes against hers. Suddenly the traffic is clear and when you reach the other side, her fingers are intertwined in yours and neither wants to let go. You let the moment linger and it leaves the scent of a memory so pure, you'll remember it for the rest of your life... Twelve seconds."

A lazy Sunday and my mind drifts to that lovely scene from Les Poupées russes (Russian Dolls) by Cédric Klapisch; a tremendously enjoyable sequel to L'Auberge espagnole which I absolutely adore.

Keywords to note when inviting Ryan and Cheng Puay to watch an "unknown" movie: French, contains nudity, and Audrey Tautou. Hee...

exit night enter light

2006-03-27T23:23:00.000+08:00

there are some things you just don't fight

you are not unloved

2006-03-25T05:39:00.000+08:00

o pupil in denial
hear the answers that you seek
why is the silence that deafened
how much is not worth figuring out
what if should not be how we live our lives
cerulean blue paints my room
birds awake and sing their praises
heart in the darkest of dungeons
abandon not yourself
you are not unloved
a prayer leaves my lips
heavenward

into your radiance

2006-03-21T22:48:00.000+08:00

One morning when Atah was driving me to school, I asked him "Atah, what is love?". Being the cool dad that he was (and still is), he answered matter-of-factly without taking his eyes off the road,

"Love... is lots of voluntary effort. L.O.V.E. Lots of voluntary effort lah."
"That's all? Love explains itself?"
"Yeah. Simple. When you love someone, it's a commitment to volunteer. You volunteer to make that person happy, to keep that person from harm, to have that person's best interests at heart, to share dreams or build a life together... That's why love is different from like. Understand ah?"
"Hmmm... I think so."
"Good."

Lots of voluntary effort. I've never fully understood that until I fell in love. I remembered that definition of love and embraced it earnestly. Everything happened out of joyful willingness and a self-determined desire to make that special person happy, nothing was obligatory nor done out of expectation. It felt effortless to love because love was voluntary. Unconditional because you didn't have expectations in return for what you gave. Just as well, came the realisation of how imperfect and selfish is the love of mere mortals once everything went wrong when you needed to justify the efforts and demand not to be taken for granted. To finally question if the love was worth the effort sounded the death knell for the relationship. Thus idealistic me learnt (albeit the hard and painful way) that voluntary efforts need to come from both sides. Just as much as you can't tepuk sebelah tangan, when in a relationship, love needs to be reciprocal for we are just ordinary people.

Which is why when Fr. Richards said "Like is a decision of feelings but love is a decision of the will.", I was automatically transported back into Atah's car, on the way to school, reliving that very important lesson.

Love is a decision of the will, indeed.
A choice and a commitment to volunteer.
For His greatest commandment is on Love. How easy we forget.

soundtrack of my life

2006-03-18T00:47:00.000+08:00

As requested by Eyeris...

One song… from your early childhood: Karma Chameleon, by Culture Club
I remember singing along each time this song came on the transistor radio; warbling the chorus plus the last word of each line, I don't think I knew what I was singing though. At 5 years old, Boy George was the coolest artist I've ever seen and heard.

One song… you are associating with your first big love: Goodbye My Lover, by James Blunt
My first big love was also the one that hurt the most and if I had a MV for it, this would be the song.

One song… which reminds you of one of your holidays: Breathe Easy, by Blue
This song popped up everywhere when toAdie, Sugeo and I were backpacking Europe in the summer of '04. It became our theme song for the trip and we initially messed up the lyrics to "I....... caaaaan't belieeeevve it" haha...

One song… you like, but you have got problems confessing to: Sometimes, by Britney Spears
Aiyeeerrr... I know, I know... dunnolah, I just like lah...

One song… which accompanied you, while you were lovesick: My Immortal, by Evanescence
The soaring melody and piano is balm for the soul...

One song… you listened to most often in your life: Bridge Over Troubled Water, by Simon and Garfunkel
This song always seem to find its way into my life every now and again.

One song… which is your most favoured instrumental: Main theme of Beautiful Life
I thought so hard and I couldn't name any, so I guess the soundtrack of this all-time favourite Japanese drama would have to suffice. I like most instrumental pieces with guitar, piano and/or cello :)

One song… which represents one of your most favoured bands: Champagne Supernova, by Oasis

One song… in which you recognize yourself or through which you feel somehow understood: Other Hours, by Harry Connick, Jr.
When I first heard this song in entirety, I was so overwhelmed I ended up in tears.

One song… which reminds you to a certain occasion (and the occasion): No Surprises, by Radiohead
Reminds me of the whimsical days of wandering the streets of Barcelona.

One song… you like which belongs to the Hip Hop/Rap genre: Show Me Your Soul, by P.Diddy, Lenny Kravitz, Pharrell Williams and Loon
I absolutely adore this song... pure booty-shakin' glee!

One song… which is the best for you to relax: Dong Feng Po, by Jay Chou
Actually, any of of Jay Chou's ballads will do. I've got all of his albums in my iPod and there's a playlist called Jay Therapy, my ultimate stress buster.

One song… which symbolizes a great time in your life: Song 2, by Blur
Sixth Form in Bukit Bintang Boys School, PJ... ultimate time of my life.

One song… which is your most favourite song at the moment: No Worries, by Simon Webbe
"I just know your life's gonna change..." Oh yeah...

One song… which you would dedicate to your best friend: Kau Ilhamku, by Man Bai
The signature song from our school days era, spot on for the memories and the countless times we stood strong for each other.

One song… where you have got the feeling that no one besides you likes it: Silencio, by Ibrahim Ferrer with Omara Portuondo
Such a sad song sung with such depth of emotions...

One song… you like because of its lyrics: Getaran Jiwa, by P. Ramlee
So very simple. Me like.

One song… you like very much and which is not in German or English: Und Wenn Ein Lied, by Söhne Mannheims
Okie, it's German but I don't really speak German what... heh, anyway I love Xavier Naidoo and Söhne Mannheims loads.

One song… which helps you to work off: Vindicated, by Dashboard Confessional
Spider-Man 2 OST is great for lepas tension moments.

One song… which should be played at your funeral: I Will Follow You Into the Dark, by Death Cab for Cutie
Heee... I don't think it's very appropriate but it's very dear to me, so I guess they won't mind granting the deceased punya wish. If not, just play Jay Chou lah... I'll go happy!

Must tag someone ah? Okie, Meng Teck then, since he's quite free in Xinjiang, China haha... and anyone else who wants lah.

"Songs are a soundtrack to our lives." midnite lily

stacked up in joy

2006-03-17T18:32:00.000+08:00

Recent book stash from Borders, good to last me till June! Am glad to finally have Clare and Henry DeTamble with me again. Currently reading Khaled Hosseini's Kite Runner, catching up on Neil Gaiman's Anansi Boys and Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of The Dog in the Night-time... Oh the pleasure of having new books all over one's room, pleading to be read and resisting the charms of re-reading certain old ones! I am hopelessly easy to be made happy.

Meine Schwester ist ein Genie!

2006-03-16T11:20:00.000+08:00

Mama cried on the phone today. She was so relieved and deliriously happy at the same time. I knew Supra could make it, despite her own doubts. Told her corny jokes yesterday night whilst she was numb from all the anxiety and channel surfing Astro. Fell asleep praying that no matter what the results were, she will have the grace of accepting them and the courage to pursue her own interests.

I put down the phone and beamed with so much pride, my cheeks hurt. I'll bet Atah and Sugeo are grinning too.
Oh gosh, my sister has aced the STPM... all five freaking As!

*grinning till Kingdom come*

norwegian date

2006-03-15T18:30:00.000+08:00

25 hours to go... Kings of Convenience live in Singapore!

Erlend Øye photo by Eyeris

T'was an AWESOME concert; great acoustics and vocals, excellent showmanship, appreciative audience, ooooh everything! 1600 people got on their feet, ha! Wonderful photos and reviews by Eyeris and Erna!

supernova sundae

2006-03-12T03:05:00.000+08:00

strung on a string so tight, anything snaps. love is watching someone die. where has thy spirit gone? a gypsy in another life. detour of torture in an overture. japanese bamboo and weeping willows. heard the laughter but blind to the tears. mei yi ci he ni fen kai, shen shen de bei ni da bai. congratulating a stranger. unspot me mind. patron saint of talking too much. solace in an imagined embrace. closing the wooden gate. cold breeze after a shower. shadows on the tiles. pork ribs with szechuan vegetable soup. song that speaks a thousand minds. still a little bit of your ghost, your witness. born of stardust. rekindle the will to live. phoenix rising from the ashes. childcraft. mathemagic. maple syrup in a bucket of snow with doughnuts. moon that ripens the barley. why can't He speak for Himself? kyrie eleison. off-kilter. beauty you can understand but cannot explain. stealing kisses. gula melaka coffee. sanctuary.

luminosity

2006-03-09T15:42:00.000+08:00

soaking in the sun
melting through the frost in you
spring awakening

ethereal cloak

2006-03-08T16:18:00.000+08:00

when angels spilt baby powder all over Aalen *photog: Sugeo

Sugeo's Aalen winter of '05 photo set

Okay.

2006-03-04T17:46:00.000+08:00

"Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours."

from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind*
Focus Features, 2004

These lines uttered by Clementine nailed me in the heart just as many more echoed conversations that have since come to past. I don't think it was the wine, the roast duck or the feta cheese that got me all soft watching the movie. No, not soft, nor vulnerable... just tergamam, a little overwhelmed in hell-yeah-I-so-totally-get-it-ness. So much about Joel reminded me of him and so much of the Joel-Clementine dynamics reminded me of us. The memories that I had tried to forget one at a time and then stopped short at the lovely ones because if I had erased those as well, I'd lose definition.

And ultimately, if you had known, would you still choose to fall?.
Perhaps sometimes, it is not a choice. You just do, even if only to find painful memories for keepsake and eventually, a stronger self in the aftermath.

*Eloisa to Abelard by Alexander Pope

the final march

2006-03-01T10:56:00.000+08:00

Kuala Lumpur
Singapore
London

Oh where shall I be by the year's end?
I know in my heart without a doubt that this would be my defining year. The year where waylaid dreams are put back on path and one that would see me one step closer to finding my calling. To want something bad enough and to put into motion steps that would lead you there create a feeling both empowering and consuming. As if perhaps, you're walking with destiny instead of having it tow you on. Knowing that somehow also allows peace among chaos.

For now, I have a race to finish and I need to finish well.

zephyr of hope

2006-02-28T01:41:00.000+08:00

when the wind blows
the heart is caught up in rapture
seraph wings come to mind
and the spirit takes flight

Walking with the longing for the next gust of wind to sweep you off your feet is a weird feeling. Sometimes you feel as if the moment you stop for longer than you should, tendrils will come up from below and wrap you up so tight, your legs become roots and you get stuck. Most of the time, you walk with anticipation and much silly hope that you just might take off at the next flurry. You wait and hope for that moment to take place but you still walk on... and the wind continues to tease.

Min moments

2006-02-27T18:22:00.000+08:00

love letter from Min, in conjunction with Supra's visit

precious

2006-02-26T16:07:00.000+08:00

Just barely an hour after sending Supra off and the emptiness had already set in. Each walking step heavy and hesitant, feeling spaced out in a crowd or being caught in a miniature tempest of falling leaves. I know I ought not to be so drama about everything but I love my siblings to bits. Time freezes momentarily while my heart resets itself into a mundane rhythm and good times replay in slow-motion as I refuse to relinquish the goodbyes. T'was the same with Sugeo when we last parted at Roma Termini. Plane, bus or train, I'd be holding back pools of saline.

Siblings grow up real fast, like babies. Get a little too occupied with your own life and before you know it, they're all grown up and busy with their own lives too. There will always be only that many hours in a day and that many days in a year... and boy, how the years doth fly. Nevertheless, there will never be a phone call too long, a night too late to have a chat, an e-mail too many or a distance too far to be close to each other; as long as blood flows in our veins...

*sniff*

branch of love

2006-02-12T13:47:00.000+08:00

Ah Tan and the bebola broccoli bouquet especially from Ah Chan!

beautiful reminiscence

2006-02-08T01:58:00.000+08:00

I remember...

Doing homework at Saidatul's house while her grandmother taught kelas mengaji for the neighbourhood kids in the living room with a slim rotan on her lap.

Sitting in during Jawi or Agama classes when there were too few students in the whole school to have a Pendidikan Moral class and as a result, being able to recite alif ba ta etc, write my name in Jawi, sing a few nasyid songs and recite the daily morning doa.

Having my primary classmates gather around and buzz excitedly to the ustazah when I recited the kalimah syahadat with ease; they were interested to know if that meant that I had converted.

The melodious strains of takbir that signaled the arrival of Syawal and Marlina's mellifluous voice reciting the Quran in the afternoons before we turn the street into a badminton court for the evening.

Scoring full marks for History essays whenever the topic was on Tamadun Islam.

How hearing azan in Singapore was like a call to home.

I remember all this with great warmth and how it collectively form my opinion of Muslims and Islam. I remember arguing in tears with Christian friends that non-Christians do not automatically go to hell. I did not remember that being kafir meant that I would be treated as anything less than equal.

Today, I find myself remembering and asking ever so often...
Islam, where is thy beauty that I so fondly grew up with?

like.love.lust.lost.life.

2006-02-07T03:00:00.000+08:00

Me: It's weird that no matter how successful you become or even when you think you've got it all made, you'd still feel incomplete without Love.
Fung Kit: True, but love is also just one of many needs in life.
Me: But love makes all those other needs in life worth fighting for.
Fung Kit: Whoaaa...
Me: Whoaaa...

Baba dearest

2006-02-03T20:05:00.000+08:00

Pohf is right. It's a totally different kind of happiness altogether when one of your best friend is getting married.

Our dear Lish a.k.a. Baba the babe is finally going to be officially and ceremonially married this year. Mama Guon, Evie-chai, Pohf, Foo Yuen, Jue and I are deliriously happy for her. Gosh, the hen night party has been in the works since the middle of last year... Visiting Lish for the Chinese New Year, we were bubbling over with champagne-y delight as we ooh-ed and aah-ed over every shot in her wedding photo album. Pohf and I can't wait to photograph her wedding eve and the big day itself... it's gonna be splendid! For the moment, Lish can't help being amazed that we seem to be more excited about her wedding than she is! Hee... the joy is utterly infectious!

nian nian you yu

2006-02-01T00:39:00.000+08:00

Supra the Polarmeerkatchan made a pair of nifty paper koi fishes for the lunar new year!

sneaker pimp

2006-02-01T00:22:00.000+08:00

PUMA speed cat camouflage

the funny proposal

2006-01-26T18:15:00.000+08:00

We've been dear friends since the days of Baden-Powell, campfires and hiking trips. We used to have long boil-porridge telephone conversations with his mom and mine nagging in the background. We'd chat about our schools, cars, friends, BGR and relished comparing the smarts of our respective siblings, our exam scores and 1119 tuition essay remarks. It was during one of those regular chats on the phone after school that the topic first came about. I think we were discussing about our ideal life partners or something close.

Mervin: Hey, hey let's make a bet, an agreement!
Me: What's that?
Mervin: If someday when we are both old, say 40 years old lah huh... and we can't find anyone...
Me: Uh huh...
Mervin: Let's get married. You and I.
Me: Whhhhhhhattt?
Mervin: Yeah, why not right? We get along damn fine. We are good friends. Rather than be lonely for the rest of our lives, we can complement each other well and make a great partnership.
Me: ... *cricket calls and bullfrog mating sounds*
Mervin: So, on or not? Don't you think it's a great idea?
Me: SIAO!! How can u bet on something like that? Anyway, 40!! So old lah wei!!
Mervin: Ok, 35 then? Just nice.
Me: *explodes in a cackle of laughter* That's just utterly sampat!

That's as much as I can remember. Ahh... 17-years old and we thought being lonely at 35 sounded like a death sentence. Almost ten years on today, I burst out laughing when the subject was brought up again and I had to remind him that this is the second time he's proposing such an agreement. We were talking about ending up in the UK this year- me to study, him to work, both chasing our respective dreams. "Now or never" is our mantra. He suddenly suggested the idea of getting married to each other over there so that he can get a work permit, and he'll help me cover part of my tuition fees if I make the admission without the full scholarship- an ideal win-win situation, sort of.

Well, except that he has a girlfriend, she's in UK too and I'm Catholic. Catholics don't get married on paper or for any other reason than a lifelong commitment et cetera et cetera et cetera... besides, I want to marry for love and only once if possible. Heh... He then told me to get married earlier because him being unmarried at 35 sounds pretty much the norm. I grinned and told him that this year and the next have more pressing matters awaiting us than my marriage and with that, we both laughed and got back to work.

much ado about a hat

2006-01-25T23:26:00.000+08:00

Finally, I've found the fedora I've been longing for since espying one while attending La Fête de la Musique '04 in Paris. This one's actually cream-coloured and not made out of felt nor suede which I guess is good for wear in our tropical weather! I'm not sure of the material but it's light and "breathable" with a nice weave pattern. I can't help but think that there won't be many reasons to wear one except on a night out clubbin', a hat themed party or a nice arts gig, but silly longings are better off fulfilled, right? If not, as they say... kempunan nanti, ha!

happy in red

2006-01-25T01:18:00.000+08:00

lil' girl and chrysanthemums

chasing dreams

2006-01-21T17:37:00.000+08:00

Armenian Street looks beautiful in the sunny morning. Conviction had caught up with me and courage came along as I went with taxi stories. It's ten to ten and my heart raced as though it will pump its last when the long hand touches twelve. Oh well, at least it didn't fail me in the train on the way here. I sat on a curb in the almost empty carpark and stared at the paper that's beginning to look very much like cabbage leaves in my hands. A yellow taxi pulled up and the driver asked me for directions to the Battle Box as two sweaty Caucasian passengers stared at me from within. Hmmm... a taxi; a fortuitous omen I hope. O Uncle, please give me your blessings today. I need to catch up with a dream detoured three years ago...

erase without rewind

2006-01-19T03:33:00.000+08:00

You write and then erase.
Write and erase.
Think. Write. Erase.
Tears well up and you fight them all back.
You purse your lips and sink into the shadows.
You stare into the lamp till you're almost blind.
Close. Open. Black circle. Close.
In the darkness you remember.
In the darkness you surrender.
In the darkness you curl, cramp and cough.
Phlegm as stubborn as memories.

For in the light, you would prefer to forget.

jian dan de xing fu

2006-01-14T15:19:00.000+08:00

There is a simple kind of happiness describable only by a goofy grin when munching on Mama's delicious chocolate chip cookies and having coffee on a sunny afternoon; in a kitchen that no longer looks like a kedai dobi gone wrong...

go figure

2006-01-13T01:47:00.000+08:00

The thing about being a person who's mostly happy-go-lucky is that the world in general (except that special group of people that you call kindred and beloved ones) sees you less of a human. They perceive you as a bubbling box of sunshine with no rights to days of gloom. When you're in the doldrums, you're expected to cheer up at a change of a song or when the wind next changes its direction. Gosh, even TV characters are expected to have depth i.e. not a 1D caricature. People on TV may serve to make you laugh and have a great time but hey, if you can switch channels or turn off the set when you don't like what you see, why can't you just let me be?

I am nobody's kai xin guo, tickle-me-Elmo, court jester or daily Bizarro.
What's that about which me that you prefer again?
Damn. That is just so salah.
Go find yourself a kawaii standee somewhere and be merry.

25 for 2005

2006-01-09T00:12:00.000+08:00

There are some people you meet, some moments experienced, and some things or places seen that description by words alone can do no justice. When that happens, I am thankful for photography that allows me to preserve what the memories may lose with the progression of age and time. These and all else, I weave into a narrative of being, a definition of existing.

wash over me

2006-01-08T18:56:00.000+08:00

Where does so much water come from?
Some tyro out there must have been singing some deadly karaoke all night long without realising his/her superpower to command the rain by singing. Elsewhere, some criminal idiot of a girl must be gloating over her newly stolen Nokia 7610 among other stuff in my handbag that she lifted. I am very tempted to wish her a heart broken many times over and arthritic fingers for the rest of her life... but no, karma, babe... karma will seek justice for me.

royal baubles

2005-12-26T11:42:00.001+08:00

What Supra and me made for this year's Christmas tree ornaments